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A new year, a new me, and a big change

2012-01-26T20:46:00.000-08:00

I got a new job... I started dating the best MAN on planet earth! I got my financial life in order. I'm going to move to Salt Lake... it's definitely closer to work! I'm going to buy a new car for myself... it's time.. I deserve it. In a couple of months I will buy my own place.. I deserve that as well, and so does my baby girl Who is 3 now so crazy!!!
My New Years resolution is that I'm not going to let anyone bring me down anymore. I know that I'm a good person and that I have a lot to offer, but if you want to mess that up... your problem not mine. I'm not going to worry sick about it anymore and feel sorry for anyone or myself anymore. I'm definitely not going to pretend to be something I'm not. I don't believe in a lot of things anymore, and that's ok. Because if I am mistaken I know that the only one that can hurt my feelings by pointing his finger at me is God himself!

I just can't!

2011-07-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

I just can't sit here and let you do this to me every summer. I just can't let him keep tearing my apart into little pieces! I won't, I can't! I was so madly in love with you for four years of my life! I wanted nothing more then to just spend the rest of our days together.. fill up the house we were going to buy with children. I would've given everything to just try and make a life with you. Sometimes love is just not enough... it's not glue. So why should we try so hard to stay together? You say you're miserable... you're only miserable because you were asked to be a real man and take care of your family! You were asked to spend time with your women and your children! This is my fault though. I should have never let you back in after the baby was born, I knew exactly who you were and what you were doing and like a fool I let you back into our lives not once not twice but four times. Every summer you need your break you need your freedom. The real world has no room for people who have no ambition and no need to contribute to society and get an education to further your life. How is it that this person that I loved doesn't want anything for themselves or their family?!! It's not about the "Riches" or having money for everything. To me being Rich means you have everything you need to make you feel better and blessed! A degree, a house, a family, a good working car, a nice savings account.

We were so opposite at the beginning, but it wasn't a problem because we complimented each other very well! Now we are just so opposite we live on different planets. How could you just up and leave your family for a new one!? What man does that? Oh I could tell you Rob does that! Every year, and every year I forgive him because I can't stand the fact that my daughter will be broken like I was. I'm not the type to just move on with her life as if nothing happened and start dating other people. But at the same time, what am I supposed to do with my life? I can't take you back or forgive you every time you decide you want to find another family!

The sad part is that I work so much to make up for your pay cut! For you wanting to be closer with us and be "better" for us that I have no time in my day to care about what you are doing, to care about what you said or how you are doing... or who you are doing (sorry but these are my thoughts, you don't get to judge) I don't get time to myself to sit an actually feel sad about it this time. The only time I get to myself I have so much to do I don't sit and ponder and ask the why me's? I just really don't care this time. The only thing I care about is you wanting to divide our daughter like she's a bagel and we should spend equal time. Why should you get more time then me? I work just as hard? Just cause you're Lil's father doesn't mean much? Yes you're good to her, but no that's not how it works! You hated the truck that we bought you never wanted to drive it and the first thing you do is fight for it and keep it! What's it about anyways! I don't think I can be civil. Quit frankly I'm getting annoyed! I don't wish you bad I wish you well I just wish that you could get it together for more then 6 months at a time. That is all I wish for you.

geez!

2011-06-07T16:56:00.001-07:00

Trials! They suck! Good people don't deserve for bad things to happen to them. A women that I work with has been diagnosed with breast cancer. This women is one of the hardest working, one of the sweetest, and she's just a really good person. I can't stand to think of her going through that!!! Her last day waws yesterday until further notice. We talk everyday sometimes for hours. She never mentioned anything to me. So when I was asked to pull out the applications today it was a bit of a shock, but it's just in case she doesn't return. She brings me food! She tells me her troubles... she is a good person. I'm just beside myself because I can't help her.. at least I don't know how to help her. I can pray for her, but that's all I can think of doing for her. She has Grandchildren my nephews age. That means that she could be my mother! I'm sitting her just typing like a stupid robot with a million emotions running through my mind.
Anyways I'm rambling on... pray for my friend please!

oh hello!

2011-05-23T02:44:00.000-07:00

Well house hunting stinks. Whoever said it was fun was a big fat liar! We can't decide on anything, people sometimes are so weird that a house can be instantly a no when you walk in the front door. Being within budget is a pain, because you have to realize this is a 30 year commitment you can't really get out of this one as fast as anything else. The only thing that I have seen to be true is that it's a buyers market! I wish we could just build, but that's kind of a scam because they are in the business of making money so they may say that they start in the $140's but after you pick out all the nice things that you want for you house you total ends up being $213,900 WHAT THE H!! That's not in the $140's that not even in the $100,000 range. Plus being a first time home buyer that makes your mortgage like $1,600 a month! Unless you make tons of money or have it growing on tress that is nearly impossible!

Other then that things are great. Work is work and I'm ready to be done or find a new job. It started out so great, but now peoples true colors start to shine and they can be deceiving and backstabbing. Who wants to work in a place like that? I can think of one person who would totally thrive off of that drama hahaha! I'm happy that I don't have to work weekends anymore. I didn't mind it at first, but it started to bug me that even on Mother's Day I couldn't even get the day off so I could go home and be with my Daughter.

I love my Daughter so much! She is so smart! She speaks 3 languages her English is the best out of them because she likes it better. She knows everything about farm animals and what they eat and why they do things. She knows how to plant and water the garden. She can pretty much fish on her own. The only thing she can't do is cast the line out, but dad or myself help her out on that one. She sings like crazy and sometimes it's all made up stuff. The first thing she asks me for in the morning when she wakes up is a "Yummy Breakfast!" She's a stubborn little girl though. She has to do everything herself. Which is nice because since she has been potty trained for 6 months now only this last month she has been just grabbing the step stool and sitting down by herself and if I go in to see what she is doing in the bathroom she kicks me out and slams the door. She likes to pee in peace lol! She's such a little sponge right now too, everything you say she will repeat and she wont forget that you said that. Let me give you an example because I don't want some people who don't know my parenting at all to start making up stories about me again! So the other day I was just sitting down with Lili and we were coloring and she said something about Grandma, and I told her No, and I can't really remember what she asked... it was something about going to be with Grandma, and I got annoyed not at my daughter but the fact that not my Mother but the other Grandma likes to put stuff in her head. So I said no and under my breath I just said she's just really annoying now. So when my mom came over she told my mom "You're not annoying Dranma, other Dranma is really annoying hu?" (dranma= grandma it's really cute how she says it) My mom of course laughs because she agrees, and sometimes people just need to know their place.

Changes!

2011-02-09T08:55:00.000-08:00

So Work has been giving me crazy good hours!! I have come to the conclusion that I will never have the weekends off! I doesn't bother me that much! It's not like I hang out with friends anyways! Money is the top priority now days since.....

WE BOUGHT A TRUCK!! A cute little 4dr Tacoma just like I always wanted! The plan was to sell the Mazda and get something more economical!! But of course I saw the truck and melted and I had to have it! I love it so much... Lil's calls it "Momma's baby truck" so far it's been the best thing ever! In hope it doesn't turn around and bite me in the bum!

So it's been 2 months since I dropped my phone and I haven't fixed it yet, so I think I might get up and fix that!!

Nothing New Happening!

2011-01-21T10:18:00.000-08:00

Molly our puppy is getting big! She's like the size of a full grown Maltese, and she's only 10 weeks old! So she might be bigger then I thought. Oh well we love her and we are keeping her! I haven't been up to much! Just trying to get an apartment! But so far nothing is pet friendly and if it is pet friendly its like $1,000 a month which lets face it, I'm not bringing in that kind of money myself!
Work is great! Lili and I have just been hanging out a lot!!
Oh I sold my car! I need more money in my pocket, I thought it would be easier to get a new car after I had all this cash, but it's been just as hard as when I bought the Mazda!

I love my Mac by the way! It's like the best thing I ever bought!!

She's the Best!

2011-01-06T08:55:00.000-08:00

I have the best puppy in the world. She's so lazy and just loves to be loved, and all she wants to do is eat and sleep... but in the middle of the night she wants to bite the crap out of you! It hurts so bad. I've given her a million chewies and I guess to her nothing tastes better then my hair and skin. I can't wait til she is older and we can take her to the park to play. I think she sleeps all day cause it's too cold outside and she's stuck all day inside until she goes out to go potty.

I finally got my MacBook that I've been wanting. I'm so crazy I just should have bought this in the first place instead of buying my PC! Which by the way stands for PIECE or CRAP! I can't believe it. Oh well lessons learned. I didn't bring my paper work in on time for school so I have to wait to go in the summer! I wanted to be a pathologist. For those of you who don't know what that is.. they work in the Morgue. I know it sounds so gross, but I've done a bunch of anatomy labs and we have to practice on cadavers and it never bothered me! Even in high school it never bothered me! I just figured you're a Doctor, you get paid like one, but you don't have to deal with patients and liability and all that stuff, and obviously you have to figure out how to help them cause they can't talk and tell you how they died. Sick and twisted but the Dexter Morgan in me has found this pretty exciting for the past year. I took some nursing classes and I loved the medical aspect of what Nursing has to offer, but I don't love that you're butt is always on the line! Plus everyone and their mom wants to be a nurse. I mean why the heck not you start out at $25 bucks an hr. IDK though I better get a clue before may though. Because everything Is due in May so I can start school back up. I'm so thankful that I have a job, and that I can afford things like my car, home and school! It all adds up but in the end I know that the Lord is really looking out for me because I'm doing everything that's right!

Funny that you like me!

2011-01-04T22:09:00.000-08:00

I just have to say that 2010 has been one crazy year for me. Full of stalkers and changing of my phone number... like 3 times. People peeking at my facebook, and major cleaning of the friends list and what not. I just can't trust people like I used to! It's really sad but what are you going to do!?

I went to a Jazz game with some of my best friends Chelsie and Turner. We had a blast! I think we had more fun on the train home then at the actual game! I love these guys so much we always have so much fun and it's never a dull moment. We went back to Turn's cute house after we got home, and I was looking around his room and I found a blanket that I gave him like 6 years ago. It filled my heart and I wanted to cry, it means a lot that he would keep it after so long. I cherish his friendship so much he has just been the Best of the Best Friends to me! No matter what he loves and supports you, and I know that he is going to be so successful in life.

My Cute Friends!!
I love hims!I love hers. Even though I look like a ghost!! Ugh!

We had a great Christmas

2010-12-27T19:38:00.000-08:00

This year Christmas was pretty tough seeing that my little family is officially seperated:(

Lil had a wonderful Christmas she got a million My Little Pony things, and lots of clothes, and an activity center so she can color!

I got a brand new blow dryer and flat iron... YAY I was so happy! I also got two sets of jamies and best of all MONEY!! So I bought my TOMS!!! It was a great Christmas for all of us!! My ex sister in law forgot My scentsy gift :( but thats ok.. I will just wait until I get my new place for more things!! Its going to be so hard for a little while.. I might even have to get a second job! I have to get my own place.. I really don't wanna stay at my moms! I love her but I like my space! I love Spanish Fork too! I wouldnt wanna live anywhere else! Anyways I hope everyone had a great Christmas!

Christmas Morning!

Christmas Eve laying on the floor! This is the only way I would get a picture!

Today My Girl Is 2!

2010-11-20T22:25:00.000-08:00

Today was Lili girls Birthday!! My baby is 2! Ugh it seems like it was just yesterday, but I am so happy to have her in my life. The party was a success!! Thanks to Everyone that came! We had a Dora and Diego party cause she is obsessed with them. I think it went well overall! It's hard when you try to mingle with everyone! I feel like I might have left people out! But I think we did good! Maybe we can get pictures uploaded and I can show you guys! Anyways! I'm so tired... I've been working a lot and it's been stressful. I went to the doctors today and I have Bronchitis, I had to get two prescriptions because it's pretty bad... but I never went to Walgreens to fill them hahaha! Anyways I will upload those pictures later!
Happy Birthday to my Beautiful girl!!!! Mommy Loves you more then you will know!

Fall season for us!

2010-10-19T15:32:00.000-07:00

Just pics of lils and her pumpkins. She was so excited when she stepped outside the other morning and Grandpa Gourley had left her pumpkins on the steps. She was screaming like it was the best thing ever!! Stinkin' cuteness is what my baby is. I'm studying hard or hardly studying if you want to call it I NEED to get into this program and it's like flying over my head. This is why they say don't take breaks in between school because it's too hard to go back, ugh pray for me please! Anyways Lil is going to be a pirate for Halloween and I have no idea what to be some cute of course!! I need some help. I need to sell my contract with sprint. Since going back to school I can't afford to pay $60 a month anymore, cause that's gas money a month. So my parents agreed to let me be on their plan. BUT I can't afford a cancellation fee too. So if you know anyone who is wanting to switch to sprint.. let me know cause I will give them my phone. I also get 25% off my bill. Anyways I have the HTC Hero.. it's a wicked awesome phone. So please just let me know if you know anyone or even if you yourselves want it. I pay $60 a month for unlimited talk text and web. Plus 25% off like I said. Thanks!

Nothing really happening!

2010-10-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

Rob has 3 weeks off and guess how many times I get to see him!!??? Maybe 3 days lol! Hunting season is a killer for me, no pun intended. I miss hims and I've barely had time to talk to him cause he has no reception this is gay! On the bright side some exciting stuff has happened. My Brother moved in with us... He's back from Puerto Rico which makes me really happy cause I haven't had a sibling around since Cris died. Oh how we miss you Cris.. but this will just have to do as well. He's transferring to the nursing program here, which means we will be going to school together!! I start in January pretty exciting. I've been so down lately and I've just been praying for things to work out for me.. and to my surprise they really are!
About the house... the bank called Rob and said that they wanted to work with his offer. Well it's not the nice houses in Hobble which he was second guessing.. it's the Wizard of Oz in Palmyra. I went to visit that house with my brother the other day. The neighbors have two dogs, a German Shepard which doesn't bother me at all because that dog is so nice and especially to Lil', BUT they have a PIT BULL!! And he's mean.. he's kept me in my car a couple of times it's pretty funny, but I don't want to be doing that everyday! Especially when I'm with my daughter in our backyard and the dog comes over and tries to kill us. I think I all ready told you but the house needs repairs. The kitchen has to be fixed first, and then in the Emerald City laundry room I want to put another shower.. just a shower which is needed in that house.. and then little by little I will start fixing other major things. I don't have any pictures this time to show you so it's probably pretty boring.

Some minor updates!

2010-09-19T15:59:00.000-07:00

My Daughter is officially a big girl who needs big girl undies! She goes to the potty all by herself and all because she wanted to and not because I wanted her to, all at 22 months not bad at all. AHHH she makes me so proud to be her mother sometimes it takes my breath away and I sometimes have to remind myself to breathe. I guess that's only a love a mother would know.
We are all doing good and we have fallen in love with 2 BEAUTIFUL properties in Hobble Creek Canyon, and Rob's family friend is going to help us out as our Realtor. Now the only thing left is to place the best bids and wait and see what happens. That's about it.

This weekend!

2010-08-22T08:02:00.000-07:00

This weekend was really busy for me... we had two important events to attend!

1. Was my Best Friend from High School Alex's Wedding. She married Ben Speas who I've never met, but he seems to be so in love with my friend it's wonderful. They both show so much love to each other its what love should look like. The wedding was at the Bungalow in Pleasant Groove. I have honestly never heard of it before, but it was a pretty neat place and the food was actually pretty good. It looks to be family owned and operated so that's a plus too. I just felt so bad because I was supposed to say some embarrassing things about Alex during the roast, but my child was being so bad I was running all over trying to stop her from breaking things. Ugh not fun! Next time I know, no more kids they just don't want to sit and listen or hang out. I am so happy for them and especially because they got married in the temple, and if you knew the Alex that I knew back in the day... it's just a complete 180 from who she used to be. She has grown up to be so kind and loving.. just an Alex that is really a true example of a good LDS women.

The happy couple I didn't get too many pictures cause Lily would scream if i took the camera

Walking to the reception.

Lil and I waiting for the wedding to start
She made a friend.

2. We had my friend Gabriel Jolley's Eagle Court Honor. He is a good kid, always has been and always will be. I would babysit this boy all the time and he was just so funny. He wants to go to Stanford for Gymnastics, and I honestly hope he gets to go, or even for the Olympics would be so amazing for him.

This was before we walked in of course my hair is flat and im holding a bottle.

I look like a heffer but everyone else looks great!And last but not least my baby girl! She puts on smile on my face even if she is being out of control.

So update on the house! It's a no go.. which is not bothering me at all we have a ton of houses on our list and the next one is in Springville and it's got a pond with a well, but the house was just so weird. I will keep you all updated though!

We...

2010-08-16T16:39:00.000-07:00

Put an offer on a house! We have been looking for soo long and finally we just say one and put an offer on it, hopefully the bank accepts. It's the total opposite of what I thought my first house would be. It's so UGLY on the inside!! I get teary eyed just thinking about it, but it's the potential of the house that makes it appealing. It sits on 5.22 acres in the middle of nowhere.. not really but it's in the stix. I'm more stressed about the fact that I have to actually remodel something with Rob's brother and his mom and my mom. They all offered to help and clean and what not, but it's just UGLY : ..... ( The laundry room I kid you not looks like the Emerald City from The Wizard of OZ. It's not the house I want but more the land. I will be living in a 60's nightmare for a little while. First thing that is getting fixed is the kitchen and the carpet and Rob is on Board with everything that has to do with it! Then the next project after that is putting in a new bathroom in the laundry room! Which is HUGE and I really think it would be a good idea. Then who knows what else we would do. If you guys know people that remodel and they throw away good bathroom cabinets or anything like that let me know! Cause the upstairs bathroom is a hot mess and I hate it, but we just don't have an extra $50,000 to fix everything we want.

So an update with lily! She will be 2 in 3 months!!! So exciting and she is having a Dora/Diego Fiesta Party. She counts to 10 in 3 languages 1. Tongan 2. Spanish 3. English. She can point and tell you what just about anything is. She sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star all by herself word by word.. and She loves Old McDonald, the only animal she seems to really care about though is a duck. She isn't potty trained just yet, and I'm terrified to try just because it makes me sad that she will be able to use a baby potty! Her new favorite word is YUP! She absolutely loves to play at McDonald's once a week. She loves to play tea party too. We also went to Lagoon a couple weeks ago, and she loved that as well.. went on the rides by herself.. she did not cry once.
Well that's about it.

We're Back!

2010-07-22T10:25:00.000-07:00

From the state that is inhabited by CRAZIES!! The trip was fun aside from the face that my sister and baby JO were in the hospital the whole time! That little Angel was sent from Heaven! After everything that they had to do to help him get better, what he cried was so minimal! God really answered our prayers and he is doing really really good.
We never got to do much of anything but we spent time with family which is the most important thing of all! I cried like a baby when I had to leave! The look on my dad's face destroyed me. He looked as if he would never see me and Lil ever again. I cried the whole 4 1/2 hr plane ride home and when I saw Rob and when I saw my mom and then when I called my dad to let him know that we made it home! I miss my Daddy! I love him lots and I always felt like he never loved or cared about me as much as the others, but I know deep down inside he doesn't know how to express that he is really sorry for everything that has happened to me or between us. Anyways I'll post pictures later!

SO SICK Of IT!!

2010-07-02T16:59:00.001-07:00

I am seriously so sick of stupid people! Yesterday Rob couldn't be nice for the life of him and he can't be nice today either. I had planned to go camping this 4th of July weekend. Well it seemed like no one wanted to go cause no one did their part for the trip except me. Then they come to me asking what we should all do this weekend! Well as of right now I think they should all shove it up theirs cause they are ridiculously exhausting and I'm not putting up with it.

Then my Mother!! UGh, has the audacity to say that she was so embarrassed when Lily came in today to visit because she had a big scratch on her face. If you were a mother how would you take that? With a grain of salt? HECK no...... I'm upset!!! She's embarrassed of my poor little baby who accidentally fell off the stairs to the deck when we were leaving, and got cut. But I'm the bad person ALWAYS!!! Cause I say what upsets me and I let you know when you are being SOOOOOOO WRONG!! My Mother is a child who should have never been allowed to have children, she can not take criticism, but does it to others. The only thing I'm looking forward to is packing up my bags and getting the heck out of here for a week. Being with new and fresh faces!! Sorry for my upsettingness but I'm really peeved at the moment, and I can't talk to people about it cause they think I'm the one in the wrong always!

Currently!

2010-06-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

I quit my job at Sears! Hallelujah!!!! I really felt so depressed when I would wake up in the morning and think about going there everyday. There is so much negativity and my soul was in pain... I kid you not! It ended up being for the best anyways because Rob got the Railroad job, and we only see him 12 days out of the month.. So I want to take advantage of that because it's really hard for us right now, especially Lil. I've been wanting to get a puppy because I'm so lonely just with baby, and maybe if we had a puppy we would be extra busy!!

Readers you can be proud of me! I have a meeting on Wednesday to go back to Nursing school and Finish my RN!! I am so excited.. this will be so good for us. I know that Rob doesn't want to keep his job long, but he is going to have to in order for me to go to school. Plus I finally need my new car and my house! This house thing has been hard, because we can't to an agreement. So far it down to this; I want a house he wants a Ranch. We can afford them both, but only if I work will we be able to have a Ranch.

We leave for Florida soon, I'm excited.. but thanks to the idiots at Bp The beach is officially crossed off the list.

Hi!

2010-05-11T09:20:00.001-07:00

I'm a bad blogger lately! Anyways here's what's going down. I am trying to make a blanket for my new nephew! They live in Florida, so I don't want to make anything to heavy! So I choose some fabric that was light. For the front I did a Winnie the Pooh print (really cute!) and on the back just a solid. For the border I got some satin fabric but it frays a lot on the edge that is trimmed. So I can tell I didn't make a good choice, but I all ready bought it I'm just going to use it. Does anybody have any tips on how to sew the satin fabric on the border of the blanket; so the fraying edge isn't visible! I'm trying to tuck it under but I might not be doing it right!

What's new in these neck of the woods. Nothing really. Like I said we are going to Florida in July for a week. We are going to Nickelodeon Theme Park and Eating Breakfast with the Characters. That will be fun for Lil cause she loves Dora! And then My dad said something about Aquatica I don't know what that is. Rob got that railroad job. So he leaves at the end of the month. Home one week gone one week. It's going to be hard but it is what it is. I applied for a job at W.I.C but I have to take a typing test! Anyways so that's about all that is going on around here.
Lil does the funniest thing now! She will hug me really hard and then say "Oh nice!!" Then she will grab my face and give me a kiss, but she's never satisfied unless she kisses my lips. Its so weird but I think it's funny, cause she will hug kiss, hug, kiss, and then say "Oh nice!" Hahaha anyways that's about it. She will blow you kisses to, and says just about everything. She can have a conversation on the phone with you, even though you wont understand much. My girl is so bright, and it hurts so much when Rob's mom thinks that she's not smart enough, or tall enough. That women is miserable and she just has to take it out on my poor lily! At least Lil is Healthier then Ryan's kids.. that's all I have to say!

Prayers for my Friend and his Family Please!!

2010-04-09T08:50:00.000-07:00

So last night when I got home from work my friend got online and was talking to me. The Ironic thing about that is he is on his mission. The first thing that he said was
"Steph did you hear?" I said "No, what's up?"
"My dad was killed yesterday!" I immediately remembered what I felt the exact moment they called and told me that my Brother had died! I can't explain the feeling of emptiness that you suddenly feel, anger, frustration, hurt, sadness, regret, confusion.. every feeling and sentiment in the world hits you like a ton of bricks.. That is the only way that I can explain it. How do you get over the pain he asks? I don't, I haven't, I can't... I just live with it. How soon do you learn to live with it? As soon as you can come to terms with yourself, as soon as you can tell yourself everything's going to be fine, and I need to pull through and be proud of who he was.. honor him in everything that I do. I still break down in the shower.. I still hurt sometimes when I hear songs.. I still feel anger when I see his friends living life normally, but there are just somethings that you can't do anything about. I wrote many unanswered letters to church leaders, and asked many church members what is was to die. I know the plan of salvation, and I know what happens and for a really long time, I was upset at the church and it's members for the answers I was given, or the lack of attention I was receiving when I needed it the most. The only thing I can say is that it made me a better person today. I think it needed to happen in order for me to be ok with myself. Salo your dad will see justice. God will never let his death be in vain. I know that right now it may seem like life doesn't matter and it hurts to much, but the pain does weaken and you do become stronger.
So what I ask is for all my blog readers to please pray for the Jaar family that they may feel comfort and hope in this moment. Help them know that they will see their loved one again, and that they will miss him their remainder on earth, but that's the way it's suppose to be. Help them to not be sadden by his loss, but to be grateful for the time spent with him... and the opportunity he gave you for life, and all the love that he gave you.

Random

2010-04-08T11:42:00.000-07:00

So I made these block like 3 months ago and I never took a picture of them to show everyone what they look like!

It Says Cherish! I have no idea where to put them though so they are chillin in front of my T.V.

Close up. The stupid scrapbook paper bubbled on a couple block but they still look way cute!

And the end of cherish.

So pretty much still not a lot going on. I need a new job. I hate mine.. so if anyone knows of anything really good that is hiring let me know please!

So today

2010-04-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

Im sitting here being not a very good mother but it was only for a second. I was reading a friends blog and lily wants up on the couch! When I look down on the floor there is her diaper! WHAT A GIRL! Gosh Hope she doesn't pee on the couch!

We've been fighting!

2010-03-22T13:06:00.000-07:00

We've been trying so hard to get Lili to eat lunch. For some reason she never wants lunch! I have been thinking of ways to make her eat it and they have all been a failure. Except I noticed she loves meat and noodles. So Today I had an idea. Why not combine the two? So I was looking for spaghetti and we didn't have any. But I took out some hot dogs and cut them up then I took some of those pasta noodles that you get in the bag, and what I did was stab them into the hot dog so it looked like a squid. I cooked it up, and then I served it to her and she looked at it like "What the heck is this Momma," But she ate it and said Yummy the whole time, and so that was it! I took some pictures sorry they are so dark and blurry.. but I think kids will enjoy this lunch a lot!

This is on a plate..

It's blurry but it looks like a jelly fish!

I'm Slacking!

2010-03-01T08:59:00.000-08:00

I've been working a lot on the weekends, and when I'm not working I'm with Lili. So it's hard to have time for myself. Nothing much has changed. Lili is now starting to understand more when she gets into trouble.. or when she doesn't want something. Or when she does want something. She likes being with other little kids. She can say MOO like the cow and She know what the monkey and the puppies say. She can point out uncle Cris in photos. She knows who Jesus is. Stuff like that. So we were going to get this house in Lake Shore with 3 acres. I think we thought about it too long because it had sold from the last time we went to look at it. It was a deal too good to be true. It had to be fixed but after that It would have been good as new. Oh well those are signs for you. My hours got cut. Well everyone's hours got cut! everyone except managers and a couple of the full time.. are straight part time 20 hours. I got a new phone since my contract is up and I love it. Thanks to work I get 25% off my bill. Which is really nice. Lili has grown an obsession with Dora. It's driving me insane.. She will even look at the tv, point, and say Dora!! AGH! Of course my mom buys her the Dvd's.
On Saturday my Mom was watching Lili and Taelyn and as they were going into the gas station to wash the car and then go to the movies, some jerk rammed right into them missing Lili's side and smashing in the passenger side door. She called me at work because she was freaked out and I left my shift early to see what was going on. Thankfully Taelyn was able to talk to the police and tell them what happened because my mom was a mess. Even though it was an accident and no one was badly hurt she felt guilty because they were in her care! It could happen to anyone. Anyways that's all that's going on here.

P.S. I'm worried about my good friend Elder Jaar! He is serving in the Concepccion: Chile mission. Where the Earthquake hit and I don't know if there is any word on his status! Please pray for him!!

Wow it's been forever!

2010-02-03T10:01:00.000-08:00

Not a lot has been happening around here. I've been working, and I want to find a really good daycare for lily so I can work a little more to save a lot more money. We never bought a house because we are looking for a really good deal. Rob wants land, but all the houses that come with land are so trashy, and you have to put a lot of work into them. I mean I'm up to the challenge but I don't really now about $$ wise. Or we have been looking at houses to build with no land and then just live in that for a while until we can afford a couple acres. Or just buy a small house and then turn it into an income property! There's just a lot to think about when it comes to laying the big bucks down. I'm excited though. Rob's thinking about getting a job in North Dakota... GAY!! It pays really good money and he will be gone for 2 weeks out of the month and home for 2. We'll see what happens with that. I think it would be good for him.

Playing outside

Update:

Lily says; No, Don't, Si, Mama, Ama aka grandma, Doa aka Dora, kisses, thanks, and please a little. She can give you five, hugs and kisses. She will brush your hair if you giver her the brush. Trust me its a bad idea, just because she whacks you really hard with the brush on your head.. kinda funny. She dances and what not too. That's about all that's been going on. Oh we've been going to university mall a lot lately because it's too cold to play outside; and my Lily likes to go down the slide on her belly it's hilarious.

She just laid down in the middle of the house!!

This is how fun work is!!

Happy Late Christmas and Merry New Year!

2009-12-30T07:26:00.000-08:00

Well we went on an ice fishing trip so I didn't blog about Christmas! Usually our Christmas tradition is the whole family gets together and we have this nice dinner, and there is music and dancing. Then when the clock hits 12 we all open our presents since it's Christmas all ready and then we wake up in the morning and play with our gifts and clean up our mess. BUT no one wanted to folow that tradition this year they just wanted to go bed. So I made them open my gifts. Lili was so excited when all the little kids got here, she was dancing the whole night that as soon as it was time to eat cake she was just shoving the cake in her mouth (mind you it's like 10:30) way past her bed time! She finished eating her cake and played with the kids. We put her Christmas Pj's on and she passed out at 11:00 pm and didn't move the rest of the night lol. I went in at 1:00 am pretty sure the both of us didn't wake up until Rob bursts the Bedroom door open. I'm so tired but when I look at the clock it was almost 10:00 am. My parents where sitting on the couch drinking coffee and they were like wow you guys had a long night. Not really mom you were there! So Lili was spoiled out of all the peoples in the house. I got a a Flat Screen TV! Really nice from Rob. I had asked for a camera and kit but in order to get it everyone in the family had to chip in $200+ I couldn't ask that so I have 1/3 of the money saved up to get it myself lol! Rob got new hunting gear! He was pretty excited about that. He's really hard to shop for since he hates everything. My mom got lots of monies to just spend wherever she wants; she's a bad one to shop for too. I got Jerry a Camping coffee mug and campfire blend coffee he loved that, but I think he loved his birthday present more.. my mom got him a BYU wind Jacket which he couldn't wait to open cause it had his name on it.

On saturday we took off and went Ice fishing at Piute Resevior. We stayed at Big Rock Candy Mountain ( Seriously middle of nowhere.. the people who live there run the businesses. That's how small we are talking) Anyways mom and I and Lili stayed behind the first day while the boys took off fishing. We had fun in the hotel a little bit. We ate at the cafe for lunch and then just chilled in the room. Keep in mind it's like 0 degrees the whole time. I couldn't get good pictures because I forgot my boots next to the couch. Well the boys came back and then we got all dolled up and went to dinner at Hoover's... not Hooter's..... Hoover's! SO GOOD! I had the all you can eat Crab Legs and I was just in heaven! Everyone know's how much I enjoyed that! Rob had the fish and chips (all you can eat) My momma had Prime Rib and that was just amazing too. It was a huge piece of meat and she got the smallest cut! Jerry was like me and got the Crab legs. It was just fun! The next day we go up had a good breakfast and then went ice fishing!

Recently

2009-12-23T22:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't been able to do anything. Since times are tough I can't even afford to go back to school in January. I don't want to take out student loans because I'm afraid of when the time comes to pay them back I wont be able to! I've just been so depressed about it. My dreams of being a nurse are being pushed back further and further. UGH!! Things are just not fun right now, I'm severely depressed because I stay home all day with Lili and I don't talk to an adult all day until Rob or my mom come home, and they are always in a bad mood so the interaction isn't even fun. Like I can't even pray without feeling so sad and empty; praying for a miracle or some sort of help with life. I feel like I'm screaming in a sound proof room almost.

On The Flip side! Christmas Eve is tomorrow and I'm pretty excited! Lili will have the best Christmas for sure. That little girl is so spoiled, yup everything I said i would never do I have done. I get her everything within our financial needs and she is happy! She has more toys then Toy r us! No joke that little girl has everything. But we get to give her the most important gift tomorrow which is her BIG GIRL CAR SEAT!! WHOOT WHOOT! I can't wait, I don't like carrying her around in the infant seat!
So Momma's birthday was today and I made her a Red Velvet Cake from scratch with Cream Cheese Icing. We didn't even eat a peace because we went to dinner at Tucano's, and we all know what that means. Except this time I so wasn't happy the only thing that I absolutely loved was the Beef Brisket (Maybe that's just the Texan in me) and The Garlic Serlion or whatever it is!
I will post some pics of the night!

My Girl Feel Asleep!

Mom, excited to read cards and open gifts!

Lilianes Birthday Party

2009-12-02T10:19:00.001-08:00

The party was a hit there were a ton of people, and all the little kids didn't want to leave at the end of the night! We had carnival games, a cake walk, a bounce house, and a baby ball pit, and it was a lot of fun.. Oh and I can't forget we had TWO pinatas! Not ONE but TWO! Hahaha it was a blast!

Time Fly's!

2009-11-13T12:36:00.000-08:00

So a year ago I gave Birth to the most perfect little girl in the world! I can't believe that next week my baby girl will be a year old. She has been walking for a month now! She speaks so much jibberish it makes me happy to know that she is perfect in every little way! I hope that they can find out what is wrong with her soon, because I don't like to see her in pain! Hopefully it's not a lactose problem. Anyways I will have to update it in a week so you can see her birthday pictures!

Lilianes Condition.

2009-10-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

So 3 to almost 4 weeks ago Liliane and the whole family got the flu. Except her diarrhea never went away. I had been taking her to a Dr. every week telling them that she still has diarrhea and they said it was normal, or it was because she was getting all four top teeth at once! Ok I know how hard it is for them to get teeth, but diarrhea doesn't last for more then a couple days I mean I'm not stupid I took care of my little cousins and what not. I just don't like the Bull con answers that they are giving me. But I keep trying to fix her myself.. like before, with just straight pedialyte or just banana juice or rice in everything.. it's not working. What liquid goes in comes straight out her bum; within seconds too! It's just really disheartening. So finally I took her to the InstaCare and he ordered a bunch of tests, and he's just like you need a stool sample whenever you can get one just hang out for a few days.. well unfortunately we couldn't wait a few days. Yesterday after her breakfast of bananas bread and a little bit of baby food she did the grunting and you could here that she had just went poop. Well When I changed her diaper it was full of blood! Just straight blood. I didn't know how to react to this.. and of course lily is screaming bloody murder not helping the situation at all! So of course I started crying, not knowing what else to do.. I put the diaper in a bag and we get ready and go to the ER.. let me tell you if you really have an emergency never go to UVRMC we waited 2 and a half hours and we weren't getting seen. Well I picked up told them to shove it and we went to Orem community! Of course no one was there and we got seen right away.
The thing that upsets me the most is that the Drs approach to me is very rude like, " we can't figure out what's wrong with her since you couldn't get that stool sample." That is not what I want to hear. I want to hear that you are going to help me get that sample and that you are going to figure out what we are doing to help this BABY, cause after all that is what she is a baby! So finally they do some blood work and I was about to die!! They put in a butterfly needle in her arm.. to us that's like nothing, but to babies that's like a 12 gage needle when you're giving birth! HUGE! So they blood work comes out ok. Now we get sent home she finally goes in the bag that they placed, and then we go to the hospital again to drop it off! Now we wait. The Dr said she might have to go to a Pediatric Endocrinologist which is the digestive system Dr, and they will do a Pediatric colonoscopy. Whatever needs to be done to find out why she is having malabsorbtion. As a parent you think of your child as perfect. So when she is so brittle like this and you can't help her it tears you down, and I am super depressed for her and for myself because I feel like I am failing my daughter. I stay up with her at night when she is screaming because you can just hear her stomach hurting and it hurts me more then it does her, because I want more then anything to just take on her pain.
That is something Drs. wont understand. To me, I'm desperate for answers.. to them, I'm just an overprotective parent. So everyone please keep lily in your prayers because she's getting worse everyday.

Coping!

2009-10-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

So nothing really new is going on here!
Well Actually Lily is a walking!! Yup and she's not even 11 months yet! She's still pretty sick with that bug! Hopefully that gets better! She talks a lot more, it's all jibberish but I pretend like it's really a conversation and she seems to like that a lot!

So I've just been having a hard time coping with not having the same friends that I used to! Not being able to text them and joke about something that was said or that reminds me of that person.. it's hard, but they're not around; so I can't put myself in the situation where they are going to hurt me or my family again. Life just quite hasn't been going as I planned! I got this job at night so I could help rob out so he wouldn't have to quit working, but he didn't appreciate that at all he was almost mad. I think it's dumb that I'm always thinking about people and they don't even give me that same consideration. Whatever though! I'm just having a hard time dealing with the reality of it all I guess. Like I really didn't expect for anyone to grow apart. :( But I guess its something that has to happen.

Anyways something crazy happened and I took a video of it. We went to the duck pond by our house and you'll see!

It's really been that long!

2009-09-30T15:38:00.000-07:00

I haven't written cause there really isn't a whole lot going on!

We've gone to the state fair. Played at home, nothing too special. Lili is growing up so much she can say oohh and she shakes her head no still, she finally says Momma! She now takes a couple steps then drops! It's ok she is really advanced for her age so I'm not worried! I also all ready made her Halloween costume so it should be a really fun night.

County Fair!

2009-08-20T16:06:00.001-07:00

Every year we go to the county fair or the State fair up in Salt Lake! This year we just went to the county fair which is in Spanish and since I honestly do not like going up to Provo anymore it was nice! Liliane got to see all the little baby animals and then she got to go on the Merry-go-round. Which she did not like at all! I got to go on some rides with Traci and Taelyn and it was a blast! Something I always get is a caramel apple, and by golly it was the best caramel apple I have eaten so far! My baby girl is 9 months today it's so crazy! She is the best.. she needs to start walking by next month or I loose a bet, but I'm sure she will soon cause we've gotten her some things to help her out!

It's Windy!

2009-08-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

So I never noticed how Windy it is up here in Spanish! I was talking to Pam and she was going off about how it's so nice outside.. and of course stupid me is like "Are you sure it's so windy outside", she laughs and just explains how is cause I live so close to the canyon, but in all reality I'm not even that close to the canyon and its blowing really hard still. I feel like the tree next door is going to blow over. Oh well at least I don't have to turn on the swamp cooler. I'm watching Liliane try and take off her bow and It's funny cause she just stretches it out and smacks herself in the face.. and I have to laugh until she starts crying it's just funny. Well now we are just waiting for Pam to come over and For Dani to call! I miss my friends we all live in opposite forks lol!! That's about it. I can't wait for Sunday I bought Lily the cutest dress at Crazy8. Rob hated the price, but I thought it was ok because the size is from 6-12 months and since she's short it'll fit her for a long time. Everything except her arms are fat! I mean for being 20 pounds since 7 months I don't know I guess I expected her to be a ball. Well let's see if she leaves her bow on. P.S. She speaks. She says Dada, Yaya, No and shakes her head. She says her nickname Tata! But I'm working on Mama

Two Years!

2009-08-04T10:27:00.000-07:00

So Today has been two years since My Brother Cris passed away. I still miss him so much every single day and I'm still so sad! I don't know If I will be the same. I don't want to think about how to explain to Lili what had happened, but he is always in my heart and I know that through God's will we can be together again!!

We moved!

2009-08-03T09:02:00.001-07:00

It's official we are now Residents of Spanish Fork! I love our new house it's just the right size for all of us. Thanks to Laura for helping us out so much! A big thank you to my Honey Rob, gosh you are so macho moving in all our stuff and painting the Red kitchen like a pro! We have just under an acre of backyard! Fun fun fun get all the kids over on a slip and slide. So here are some pictures
This is Liliane's room it's a poopy brown! I absolutely did not like this color at all!

This is the after! I love home depot for color matching the green on Lili's quilt from the bedding my momma gave me. Then we just returned to Babies R Us and got the border that matched to break up the contrast! I wont really show you any of the other pictures that I have posted up because the other rooms aren't finished. The master Bathroom we redid and it's still in the works. We painted that one like a crystal clear ocean blue color. It's awesome.
Anyways I will give you an update!

Things that have been bothering me!

2009-07-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

So lately I have just been so down because there are things that are bothering me that I haven't really talked about with anyone.
First is the whole Micheal Jackson thing. I am shocked/awed/appalled that people have the GUTS to sit there and make jokes about his death and just be disrespectful to him and his family. I personally think it's tragic that his children loose their Father and a Mother looses her son, and Brothers and Sisters loose their baby Brother! Whether or no we agree with the lifestyle people live we need to be respectful and remember that he who is without sin cast the first stone. I think that MJ probably dealt with some hard things in life, but his errors are his and he will deal with God when his judging time, as for us we are no one to judge him or speak ill of him or his family. That has just bothered me so much because automatically people think of the bad and not of the good. Like how he was a record holder for most charities supported by a pop artist or his humanitarian work. I don't think there is a song that we can find that is innaproppriate or suggest something terrible like other talented singers out there. I just want people to be quiet and mind their own.
Another thing that has been bothering me is people Calling The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints a Cult! How the heck are we a Cult?!! Can someone explain that to me?! I guess that I've been born in the church I can't seem to fit that into perspective. The thing that brought this up is when Big Love and i'm sure you've heard of it, erd that episode of them getting sealed into the temple. What bothers me is that some idiot that was X'd had to go and tell all the SACRED meanings and symbolizms of the Temples. How dare they? Don't they know any better. I'm no saint in any way shape or form, but I could never go against what I have learned in my 21 years of life and tell them to other people to make money that is just wrong.
I was walking through the Oquirrh Mountain Temple 2 days ago with Rob and we were holding hands in there and just beeing silent and looking at each other when we saw something we liked, or telling each other we loved this we loved that and he would explain to me a little bit of what they did in each room since he has been and I haven't. If I would ask a question about something he wouldn't answer. Like in the ordinance room how there is a curtain. I asked him why is there a curtain, like why not a wall. He simply said Baby there is a reason, but I can't tell you why.. you will just have to wait and find out. Which makes me even more curious which makes me want to speed up the process so I can go.
In other words I felt the spirit of the Lord so strongly (other then that annoying kid that we caught up to that would not quit screaming. They finally asked him to leave..THANK GOODNES). I am really saddened that people talk bad about the things that I love and that I have a knowledge of. Like I was reading this blog that a women wrote on that episode of Big Love. She says "I find it interesting how the Mormons have these little secret rituals. Why would I want to get sealed to the person I'm marrying anyways. I find death to be a new start, I don't want to see my husband for the rest of my life." It bothers me how in every comment that people have written about this episode they use the word secret!! It's not a secret!!! It is SACRED! Which in other words means that it is Holy, or inviolable, or divine.. whatever word you want to use. It is so special. In one of the comments it had a link. I regret clicking on that link. It explained in detail about what goes on in the temple and the things that they do, and why you wear the special clothing. I should have stopped reading it, but I just couldn't believe what I was reading. I closed my laptop immediately after it started talking about what is exactly on the garments. UGH!! When I pray tonight I just need to be really sorry for that and ask God to forgive the person that did that. I know millions of people probably clicked on that like I did. Basically that's all I had to say. Also that I love my Father in heaven for then anything in this world and I know that he loves those even though they doubt him, and I know that he suffered so we may have the knowledge that we do. I am also happy for those who choose to except his gospel and teach it.
I also wanted to say that I love my Friend Salo sooo much. I think about him all the time, and I am so happy that he is on his mission and having such great success. I am so grateful to have the time that I did with him. He has taught me alot about myself, and made me want to be better because I can, and because I should... not for anyone else except for my daughter who loves me. I hope I can be as great as you one day!

update!

2009-07-05T20:11:00.001-07:00

So I haven't really been blogging lately I guess I lost my stamina to do so. But this summer has been so fun us girls. We have been swimming numerous times and have played at the park. Liliane has both her bottom all ready, she crawls and she stands up by herself with no help at all. I caught her trying to play with this snow globe I have and it scared me half to death. Her doctor says that she is going to be so smart, and that she is just way to advanced for her age. So for the walking I'm going to make a guess-stamet (I have no clue how to spell that) That she will be walking by 10 months so we still have 2 months to go. She eats everything in sight and she is a handful and it's hard sometimes.
For the 4th we went camping with Rob and his parents up at Mt. Pleasant! It was the prettiest place I have been to so far. The view was just amazing. I didn't get to take pictures because every time we would leave on the 4 wheeler we would go on some pretty tricky trails and plus my mind was somewhere else. I had lots of fun. It's been 3 years since I have gone camping. I've had this anxiety about it since Cris has passed. Seeing as that is the last thing we did before I would never see him again. It was hard because the whole time I kept thinking he would be having a blast with us up here, or he would be laughing at me almost killing myself on the 4 wheeler cause I didnt notice the drop on the other side and if I would hit the brake I would flip so I had to coast on down like lightning. Then we went to the rodeo and that was really fun. Made me sad cause of Cris but I know that he was there having fun too! Poor Lili gets to sheep ride when she's older.. if she wants, and she also gets to catch the greasy pig. Anyways that way my weekend I hope everyone else had fun!

So Liliane!

2009-06-20T15:29:00.000-07:00

She crawls, has a tooth, and explores every little thing! Mind you my daughter likes to pose for pictures and I did not put the baby float on her head. I was doing the dishes then I went looking for her and that's what Found.

So last night's little ER trip. I was putting Lili's high chair together and I asked my mom to hold the other end of the chair so i can screw it in. On my entertainment center there are two little doors that she likes to play with. Well she was playing with that when all of a sudden I hear BAAAAAANGGG!! Lili had slipped and whacked her head on the hinges of the doors. She was quiet for a second or two then I hear screaming. Like blood curdeling somone just stabbed me scream. So my mom is the first to get her, and of course my mom freaks out so me with a calm head I grab her and I see this spot on her head and I thought it's going to crack open here in a second and start to bleed, but I can't say anything about it to my mom because she will start screaming and freaking out. So I held her little head tight as she wiggled and screamed and I tried singing and being calm but deep down inside I wanted to cry.. So I told my mom to quickly get some tylenol because her head would hurt, and to get and ice pack. I told her to hurry so when her back was turned I lifted my hand to look at her head again so see what was going on and her head in that area was the size of my fist in a ball, and I started to freak inside!! So I called Rob and his brother was trying to be all funny and a jerk on the phone. So finally we went to the hospital nothing was broken thank God, but she was just shook up. That was the thrill of the night.

Vegas Vacation

2009-05-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

Not Griswald style but a little close!

We went to Disney's The Lion King which was AWESOME!! I wish I wouldn't have payed so much for my ticket which was front row! I should've payed less to see more! But being up close I got to see all the detail and vibrant colors! It is something I think that everyone should go see. I have this odd love for Musicals I guess it started in Texas when that was my life.

So I played slots and that was a ton of fun! At one point I thought that I had won $125 and I was screaming and all excited LMAO turns out it was only $40 That was probably the high light of the day! And now I'm dead broke! I guess it's time to start looking for some permanent jobs! I got a speeding ticket too! Ugh how dumb! My first ever on the highway and he didnt even give me a chance he just stuck me with a 13 over and I wasn't going 13 over he was being such a jerk! I'll post pictures!

I can't stop it!

2009-05-12T07:27:00.000-07:00

So in about 8 days Liliane will be 6 months. This is so crazy to me because just the other day I was coming home with her for the first time. So crazy! Any who She is so smart and is learning very quickly!! I'm trying to get her used to not sleeping in our bed anymore and its working very well for the most part. She just wakes up way early now! she doesn't want to sleep during the day she wants to be awake for everything. On Mother's Day while at the movies she found out that she had to exercise her focal cords and yell at the beginning of the movie (Ghost of Girlfriends past) NOT THAT GREAT PEOPLE! So Lili rolls over.. and it's so crazy to me because she rolls perfectly unto her stomach but then she gets a little scared about her arm and doesn't want to roll back over so she cries haha!! She also scoots! I will lay her down in her crib and then when I hear her crying she's like crammed in the very upper corner and doesn't know how to get down. Very Dramatic my child. She can sit up but not for long because she likes to rock herself back and forth so she falls and clonks her head and then is very very upset. Thats the funny thing she doesn't cry when she hurts herself she screams in anger and frustration. Well she is a blessing and I love her more then any little thing on this earth.

Arizona Pics

2009-05-02T12:17:00.000-07:00

We're Back!

2009-04-27T15:46:00.000-07:00

Arizona was a blast aside from it taking forever to drive there! I think next time I will for sure fly! But Lili, and I had a blast.. and of course Rob did too, but who knows! I will post up some pictures later for the most part they are on my facebook!

So the whole truth. When Rob was driving he kept swerving and that's when I realized he had been texting the whole time. So he had really shady and so off lately, that is when he was gone I decided to go through his phone. He had been texting brittney engstrom the whole time and some chick named hayley. Well he had lied to me about hanging out with people while me and his daughter sit at home bored. He's on unemployment and now I know why he isn't searching for a job. Anyways I get home and I still don't believe him. I hacked into his accounts which wasn't hard to do. Come to find out he had been dating a variety of girls and sleeping with them too. All along I thought he was getting his act together to bless our child. Now that I think of it I'd rather have someone worthy and pure of heart to do it. Anyways When I log into his facebook account. Turns out he hangs out with girls that were my friends and who knows what. Probably was inappropriate with them too. Like do they look at me and laugh and just talk about what a hag I am. So this is just me being heart broken finding out I have been lied to and cheated on. Emotionally and physically. I have cancelled my phone so facebook and e-mail is the only way to get ahold of me for now!!

Lili has been sick!

2009-04-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

Lili has been sick for 2 weeks all ready. It's either a viral infection or she is allergic to dairy or proteins. Which is not good at all. The doctor gave us Nutramigen! Which is $25 for a 12.6 oz can. He just gave us samples of it, but thank goodness Lili does not like it because Rob and I can't afford that. Oh my goodness and does it ever stink!! It smells so bad I couldn't imagine drinking it. So we are just going to try soy milk by Similac and see if that help if not Alimentum by Similic is the same thing as Nutramigen-- but it's just as expensive!! So We do have WIC we just need to get a prescription for it. And maybe they will give it to us, but I'm sure that it wont be for a long time. So ARIZONA is coming up and I AM SO DANG EXCITED!!! I haven't been on vacation since I got pregnant which has been like a year ago! This is the make or break trip for Rob and I.

R.I.P. Jake

2009-04-16T00:02:00.000-07:00

Jacob Taylor Woodger 1988 ~ 2009 Jacob Taylor Woodger was born August 31, 1988 in Giron, Columbia. Jacob came into our lives six weeks later, when he came to the United States and was adopted into our family. Jacob died in a car accident and was taken home to his Heavenly Father on Easter Sunday, April 12, 2009. Jacob attended Skyline High School and graduated from both Provo High School and Mountain Land Applied Technology School in Orem, Utah. He also attended Salt Lake Community College. He was employed by the Training Table Restaurant and most recently at Harmon's Brickyard Grocery Store. He was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and a member of the Olympus 4th Ward. He participated in soccer, football and scouting and coached a Skyline Little League Team where he was adored by the players. He loved his dogs, cat, car, hanging with his many friends and making memories with his girlfriend, Laura. Jacob's infectious smile will be missed by all who knew him. Jacob is survived by his mother, Elizabeth Ann Woodger, and brother, Joshua Winston Woodger. He is preceded in death by his grandparents, Edward Winston and Norma Taylor Woodger. Funeral services for Jacob will be held on Thursday, April 16, at 12:00 noon at the Olympus 4th Ward, 2675 East 4430 South, Salt Lake City, Utah, where family and friend are invited to call on Wednesday evening, from 6 to 8 p.m., and on Thursday morning from 10:45 a.m. to 11:45 a.m. prior to the services. Interment: American Fork City Cemetery. Please send condolences to the family at www.larkinmortuary.com

You were such a good friend. You were the funniest person I knew. I'm going to miss speaking with you! Rest In Peace!

Temple Square!

2009-04-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

We went to Temple Square on Monday in SLC, and I fall in love every single time. The sights and sounds speak for themselves. The funny part of the day was the we were in the North Visitors center and of course my mom likes to talk to all the sister missionaries, and there is one that was from France. Of course my mom likes to brag that my 4 years in high school were spent speaking French, so she starts talking to me and I laugh and reply in my broken French. Of course I told her I had no one to practice with in French so I can only pick up on a couple words here and there. So totally understood me and made me feel like I shouldn't give up hope! Thank You Madame Secrist for teaching me basic communication, so I am able to feel a little bit better and smarter about myself. Ne me quittes pas! Tu vuex m'aider avec mon francias?!! Anyone Anyone?? Yeah. Hear My cry lol!

Anyways here are some pics of our day Taken by me and my mom!

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

So this Easter has been really nice. Last night we all watched the 10 Commandments and it was super long but super fun! We watch it every year and it never gets old. My favorite part is when Nefretiri tells Ramses to kill Moses and show her the blood on the blade, and Ramses can't even come close to getting to him he sent the men into the parted seas and they all wash away. Great Movie!!

Anyways We got Lili's Easter Pics done a little while ago and I never posted them so I guess I will right now.. and I actually took them.

The Duck Came Out To Play

Happy Easter 2009!

Lili's Communication Skills!

2009-04-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

Lili started learning how to communicate and this it what it looks like. So stinking cute!

The Living Planet

2009-04-08T08:07:00.000-07:00

So Like a week ago Rob and I took Lili to The Living Planter Aquarium! It was about the coolest thing ever. We touched Sting Rays, watched a movie, looked at all the ocean life and all the life inn south America. So cool. The best part about it is they are planning to expand it make it bigger and better. I haven't been to a cool Aquarium since Boston, MA. To me nothing compares, but this Aquarium Runs on local donations and what ever revenue they pull in from ticket sales and gift shop sales. Good Job Living Planet in was very Impressed.

Lili Was So Happy Looking at All The Fish

Rob and Lili Behind in a South American Caymen.(lil' croc)

Swim Swim Time!

2009-03-30T08:18:00.000-07:00

Lili's First time swimming in a pool!!!!

Daddy holding me ready to go!

We stole Kewtin's Float, but we have our own now!
We had such a good time. Trinity and Ryan got a hotel and we just went swimming with them the next day.. so much fun! Especially since my little girl LOVED THE POOL!

Momma's In Love

2009-03-21T10:52:00.001-07:00

With Gerard Butler. He is probably the sexiest thing to happen to Hollywood since Brad Pitt, and Brad isn't even has sexy has Gerard. I want to marry him some day!!!

Just down

2009-03-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

So I've just been so down lately it's crazy! I feel like things might be falling apart and it's way out of my control. I don't agree with some of the things that are going on and that are being said and I feel like I'm not getting the respect that I deserve. I won't get into too much detail, but the situation is stinky. It feels like the only thing I have right now are my friendships, and my mom and of course Lili. I need to save my relationship but it's really hard right now! I need to find a new apartment, but the thing is I don't want to waste money on rent anymore. I want to buy my own place. A place I can do whatever I please with. We will see whats going to happen.

Ears Pierced!

2009-03-11T19:32:00.000-07:00

Baby Girl got her ears pierced today and she wasn't too happy about it. At first she fought it and fought it and yelled and screamed! No tears She was just upset. We tried to get her hands away from her ears so we could do it all at once, but she was reluctant to do so then we tried to get her shoulders to go down, but she was reluctant to do that too! Oh boy.. so after what seemed like hours she finally got pierced and these are the photos! She was such a good girl. She only cried for a little bit after they got pierced and then.. she fell asleep! I love my girl she is the best!

Getting ready
Almost got me but I moved My head!
Mommy had to come help!
The end I fell right to sleep after that!

It just got so much easier!

2009-03-09T11:07:00.000-07:00

So Rob being layed off gives us so much to work with. He can get his car business going which has been ok for him considering he had a full time job. But now I can go to school full time and get my degree a lot faster then we had anticipated. This will be a good thing for us. He's just going to watch Lili in the day time while i'm at school and work at night.. who knows we haven't figured it out just yet, but Nurses are in high demand so the faster I finish the faster I can get a job and support us so we can get back on our feet.
You know everyone is knocking hard on the President when it's not his fault we are in this mess. He is doing the best he can. You can't make steak when you were handed crap on the platter!! I think it's going to take awhile and we as American's need to do our part in helping each other out. Whether it's the food drive, giving blood or plasma. Standing in line to pass out food. All of these things would help us out in the long run because God will repay us in some way or another!

Since Cris passed away I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Dissorder) It's been getting really bad lately I just keep running the past 2 years in my head, and it' s really hard just watching Lili and thinking about having to explain to her that she had 2 uncles but now she only has one. I can't explain how much it hurts watching her act the way she does and knowing that my brother is missing out on everything that is going on down here. Sometimes I get really horrible images in my head and I like have to squeeze a blanket and my eyes shut to try and think of a happy image. For those of you who don't know what PTSD is it's like reliving the worst moment of your life 5 to almost 15 times a day. For some it could be getting fired, or finding out you have cancer, or that you lost a certain amount of money, or watching someone pass. Even getting divorced or finding out that your spouse cheated. For me it's finding out I will never see my Brother for the rest of my time on earth. So with PTSD you relive the phone call, the process, the funeral and after the funeral like healing time. It's like a movie being played over and over again. So lately after Lili it's just been getting worse and worse. The only cure for this is like rapid eye movement therapy and that's not even a cure.. it's supposed to "help" and of course just getting a clean mental picture in your head, but it is so hard to think of something beautiful when you have this horrible thing playing in your mind. I just thank God that it hasn't effected my parenting to Lili. I will admit it hits me with i'm with her and she's probably like why is mom shaking her head so much lol!! But I just want to shield Lili from as much pain as possible!

Boiling Eggs in the Apartment Fire!

2009-03-04T22:33:00.000-08:00

Ok so the girls in the apartment below us left eggs boiling and caught their apartment on fire!!! How the heck they do that is beyond me. I always check everything before I leave especially my flat iron. Anyways so I hear the fire detector go off and I'm searching my whole apartment thinking that it's my place so I'm listening from room to room and I get louder in the hallway so I listen and I cant put it together. So I go back and do what I was doing, and I'm telling my friend that the alarm is still going off. I was so tempted to call the fire department because maybe I was hearing something. When all Of a sudden I smelt it. Something was on fire. So I hurred got Lili in a blanket and left my apartment when the fire department should up. Out just in time! Anyways a couple of neighbors were out talking with me and then the girl of the apartment shows up. They talk to her and then she comes out and explains what happend.
It turns out that she wasn't even in the area she had just got home. So It looks like her roomate left the stove on with boiling eggs all day long and it has exploded started a small kitchen fire and melted the counter tops and the kitchen floor. They couldn't go inside for 5 hours which means they couldn't go home unti almost 10pm. Im just grateful that it wasn't any worse then it was, and that my apartment is perfectly fine. I couldn't imagine my apartment being destroyed my daughters things mean so much more to me then anything I have ever gotten myself. Like I would try and save her clothes if I could go back and save anything else. Forget the wii the brand new tv and computer.. save Lili's clothes.

So since the economy is really really bad rob got layed off. I didn't really see it coming i thought they would go out of business first, but oh well. What upsets me is that he's counting on unemployment to pull him through. We have a lot of expenses. A baby is SO EXPENSIVE I'm not complaining cause I love her but i cant wait until she is older and out of diapers!

Little Lili!

2009-02-25T21:29:00.000-08:00

My daughter is the most Beautiful baby out there! She doesn't need professional photos to make her out to be something she isn't. She will probably win the cutest baby contest! I love her more and more everyday! She is the best and will always be the best baby out there. She sleeps most of the night. As a 3 monther she just barely started to roll over and she is laughing. Her teeth are starting to push up.. it'll probably take another month or so for us to actually see her teeth, but my poor baby is so good that she would rather sleep off her pain then cry and make a scene, yeah she fuses but it probably hurts so bad. She is so chubby and gaining so much weight. She is so healthy and so bright her Dr can't believe how old she acts. I have a feeling that pretty soon she will be sitting up because she is trying so hard to get up when we sit her on the armed chair. Anyways I love little Lil and I'm so grateful to have her.

Mom of One and I'm a PC

2009-02-22T14:23:00.000-08:00

So I sold my mac and got a PC. It's the nicest, coolest, easiest thing I've ever had. So we searched and searched for the best deal around and nothing was really coming around.. everything was either too cheap and nothing really to it or to expensive and way too much to it. I origianlly had my eyes set on a Sony VAIO. They are a step up from the hp's and the rating are so much better but when I talked to an expert he said that yes all of that is true but it doesn't really have as much quality as the hp. So Rob and I sat and talked with him and figured hey why the heck not for a fraction of the price we can get more for less. So we got the special edition PC.
Funny story about the whole experience is that when I went the night before to bestbuy to check out what on earth I really wanted, the girl was trying to sell me on a mac so hard core. She was trying to tell me that the PC's dont come with CD/DVD+RW and lightscribe (those of you who don't know lightscribe is when you can put images on top of the cd or design or whatever). So I looked at her like she was the dumbest sales girl ever, first of all you have to update the software on PC's over time always spend money protecting them from viruses, but with the macs you have to buy most of the software or find someone who has it because it is more expensive then the PC. Trust me I know this. Yeah they don't viruses but it's easier to use a PC then become a product of the media and buy a mac. All though I loved it. I love my PC.
Anyways I'm so happy cause I worked hard for it.
On another note.. Lili is 3 months all ready holy wow!! Time flies!! I love her to death. Not much has changed with her.. Except she is always eating her fist. it is the funniest.

Scammers!

2009-02-11T13:29:00.000-08:00

So Lately I've been getting scammed left and right. Well not really getting scammed but stupid people really think that I am going to fall for the lies that they are creating.

So I found this really nice car that I have been wanting to buy ( Turns out that Jeeps aren't really in my best interest being a poor mom!) Anyways I requested information because there is no contact number and a bunch of just car stuff in the add. I tell whoever it is to call me and they sad that they would ship it if I sent them money!! Ok That's not what I had asked but thank you for letting me know that you are full of crap. So nicely I replied to that lady that claimed to be a single mother on the verge of loosing her home to default on her mortgage payments, and simply stated how sad it was that she was trying to make a dime off of someone elses' expense. Cause she knows there is no car and that there is no shipping.
Anyways same deal with a house. The guy pretended to be a pastor serving a mission in Africa and he needed the money before he could send the keys. Yeah right. Like Anyone would fall for that. Haha So I tried to get him to send the keys before I send the money.. scammers aren't that dumb he wanted to get the money so he could use it to send the keys.

So up to date with Liliane! She is more than 13 lbs and she only measures as much as a newborn baby but other then that she is so much higher in her other percentils. She acts like a big girl it's so funny. Right now she's asleep with her head on the pillow cause she has sinus problems, and with the blanket over her. She tries to be so big girl like it's funny. She talks so much and she giggles, but if she doesn't know someone she'll cry until they leave. Kind of her way of saying I don't really like you hahha! Anyways We'll see what happens later on in life!

Over Coming Sadness!

2009-02-03T13:44:00.001-08:00

I went to a funeral on Saturday! Probably wasn't the best Idea. A friend from high school killed himself and it just makes me so angry and so sad. I don't get why people don't ask for help.. I don't understand why life is ended so quickly when all you have to do is cry yourself to sleep wake up drink hot tea or whatever and TALK!! I see what the these actions do to families including my own. I see how lives are torn apart and friendships continue without a care. I am a mother now and I couldn't imagine having Lili feel like there is no other choice. If God really loves all his children why doesn't he do things to prevent people from killing themselves. Like jamming a gun or making that hanger rod bust off. Or suddenly they don't have enough pills. It's just way to sad. I don't want to deal with these things ever again. So I will keep going to church every Sunday and pray for my well being and others!

Draper Temple

2009-01-18T12:58:00.000-08:00

I am so in love with it!! Just like I was in love with Mt. Timp temple! Everything is really different.. the Celestial room has a little bit of similarities, but other then that everything is really different. I honestly wish that the house I live eat and sleep in could be as beautiful as that one room! I have to admit the Sealing Rooms aren't as glamorous, but they fit the ambiance of the temple! It is so crazy how you can feel the spirit of the Lord with every footstep that you take in there. Maybe one day I can get my act together and do the work of the lord in there. Or in Salt Lake or anywhere my heart desires.
You know walking through there makes me wonder why people take the Temple as such a joke. Why they would take their unworthy bodies through there? Or why they do the things they do and still go in as if it's no big deal? I couldn't do that and I can never or never will do that. I think that the Temple is a really BIG DEAL. I remember just the stress of getting my recommend to do baptisms for the dead. I couldn't imagine how much worse the pressure is for do Temple work, or for getting sealed. Like my Dear Brother Johnson said.
"Doesn't matter how bad it has been, or the choices you've made, EVERYONE deserves a Temple Marriage.. BUT!! You have to do it the right way. You have to give it all your heart and soul to be clean. To enjoy the blessings, and have no guilt through-out the rest of your lives." That is what I want for myself and Lili. I really do! I'm also going to try and go to every open house around Utah to enjoy Gods BEAUTIFUL house!

On another short note. I go back to work tomorrow and I am excited, but I am nervous at the same time. I don't want to leave Lili with Grandma I will miss her too dang much!!

Bring in the New Year!

2009-01-12T19:53:00.000-08:00

The Baby Started Laughing and it is by far the cutest thing I have ever seen in my whole entire life!!! Every morning she wakes up and she wants to play with her mommy! It's so funny because I will turn on the TV and she watches music videos with me for her 8am feeding. She is in love with Single Ladies by Beyoncé and of course the fun mom that I am I sing and dance along with Beyoncé and that for some reason cracks my little Liliane up so much it's heart melting. I have videos and pictures of her in such a good mood just like the one I posted!!

So far this New Year I haven't managed to do really anything. I didn't make any resolutions because I never go through with them.

Anyways I'm so Elated that I get to go to the Temple next Thursday! It will be one of the greatest experiences ever!! I can't wait to take Lili too! I know that she wont remember but it's the thought that counts. I can just imagine it being just as beautiful inside as it is outside!

Another count of good news.. Rob, Lili and Myself as of February 2009 we will be residents of American Fork/ Highland City! The house is on the border! I can't wait I am so excited! We went to Ikea to get great things.. but will I was there I couldn't help but think that the things we needed were much cheaper at Target. So after we bought some of the nice cheaper things that you couldn't find at Target or Wal-mart we went to Target and bought pots and pans and of course every girls necesity baking dishes!!

This makes me happy

2009-01-07T10:52:00.000-08:00

So my really good friend Sal is on his mission and the other day we talked for the first time in a long time!! I'm so proud of his accomplishments and the fact that he is sticking it out and doing the best that he can. I love you Sal!! Anyways hahaha I remember in High School when we used to like each other a lot. He sent me the video above to my myspace page (when I used to have one) It literally melted my heart! Just thought i'd remenice.

On another note the baby started giggling.. She is the cutest

Just another update!

2008-12-22T19:53:00.000-08:00

I am coming to terms that during my pregnancy I was a really angry person! I would pick and choose the people I would want to be friends with, or the family that I'm going to like! It was really the pits! I don't want to be an angry person anymore. I haven't missed a Sunday yet but I guess I should pay more attention. I am really striving to be a better person! I think I'm doing a better job at it. I still get mad over the little things, and I still loathe when people defy my trust. But enough about that.

My Baby Girl is a month old!!! Yay I love her to pieces! She makes me world go round. It kinda sucks that I got a cold, and she has a stuff nose from the heater, so I have to have the humidifier on 24/7 and I don't mind but you know I feel bad. I have to suction out her nose and she absolutely does not like it she screams, and screams. I mean who can blame her, her passage way is just way too small! And of course the nose drops I put in. She is just such a blessing and I love her more then life itself and I'm so afraid now that I have her! She is just way too innocent for the world! Anyways I'm getting a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee and I am just so excited. Rob is making me look for all the good deals and then when we find the one we absolutely love it's ours!! But this makes it hard for me because I'm not very patient and I want it now! Well back to tending my child.

She looks so darn happy!!
Lol she hates that bow!

3 weeks old all ready!!

2008-12-14T09:58:00.000-08:00

I love my child and I am so grateful to have her in my life. She has been the biggest pain in the bum and the cutest most loving person ever. She is so spoiled and you can just tell with the way she acts. She always has to fall asleep in someone's arms, she always has to eat as soon as you change her diaper. She has to be rocked if she was woken up. She loves her baths especially if mommy sits in there with her. She loves her green binky, and that is the only binky she will have in her mouth. She does not like to be changed or bothered or woken up. She likes her space. She loves daddy and loves being in his arms, and she is automatically soothed by the sound of his voice. When he sings to her in Tongan she is quiet, cool, and picks her self up all together because she loves daddy! Daddy loves his baby girl more then anything.. even more then me I think, but he wont admit that. Anyways she went to her 2 week appointment on monday and the Dr's say that she is above average in all her percentils except for growth.. she is officially a shorty haha!! I don't mind cause I'm not that tall and neither is Rob. Who knows maybe she will grow to be way bigger then all of us. I am so blessed that God made her smart and healthy and so darn aware of everything that is going on. I couldn't have had it any better. I guess my choice in prenatals really really helped me out! Anyways I have to get ready for church just thought I would blog a bit..

Happy Thanksgiving.. little late!

2008-11-28T15:30:00.000-08:00

This was her Outfit today she looks so cute!!

Her Thanksgiving Dress!! Haha She has a flared nostril I love Her!!

So being that Thanksgiving was yesterday I feel bad for not up dating but I was just so dang tired I didn't even dress nice for dinner!
I'm happy to say that I fit into my jeans again and all I have to do is work out my legs and when the doctor gives me the ok I'm going to hit the gym and work on my flabby belly! Everyone is shocked that I had a 7lb baby in my belly with how quick I lost weight. The down part is one of my breast makes more milk then the other so I have a D cup and a C cup lol! Very sad.

Well I have to say that I am thankful for God, My Babies health and Beauty, My Family, Rob, His Family, and Prayer. It has helped me so much to deal with the stresses of being alone all day with the baby and then taking care of her at night while everyone sleeps because they have to work early in the morning. She's having a hard time staying up in the day even when I wake her, but that's the name of the game isn't it. I'm thankful that God has given me this gift that I like to call apathy. I have changed so much in this last week and I can feel it. I care more for my 3 person family then the fights I've been in the past. Or the people that have done me wrong. I miss everyone I used to be friends with and it doesn't matter that they have been shady or messed up with me. I have forgiven them and I am ready to move into my little cottage with my Baby and live happily ever after. Anyways Happy late Thanksgiving!!

She is finally here!!

2008-11-24T15:16:00.000-08:00

After a long 9 months of waiting for my Beautiful Baby Girl she is finally here!! I am so Lucky and I am so in love with her.

Ok so the facts are that I had a 5 hour labor started at 8am ended at 1pm. I highly recommend the drugs there is no way on earth I could have done it without them. Giving birth is exciting and painful and I stopped breathing during every strong contraction because it is just that intense. Anyways I went in at a 4cm and then an hour later I was about 6 I got the nice epidural and it wasn't working at first and I just started balling my eyes out! It is too painful to explain, so then the anesthesiologist suggested that I should get checked again and I was an 8! So I had to get an extra dose that would but the epidural up to par with where I was. After It started feeling way nice I was a full 10 just 30 minutes after the extra dose. My doctor had me wait a little so the baby would start making her way down and there wouldn't be as much tearing or pushing. Anyways I started pushing at 12:30 and 40 minutes later we had a baby!! Greatest experience of my life!

They say any day!

2008-11-13T11:12:00.000-08:00

So I noticed that the doctor tells you any day now you will have your little baby.. ok hold up!!! I think that you're pulling my leg because I have been waiting everyday for the past two weeks and still Baby Liliane is doing the happy dance in my belly!
I'm starting to feel like a train wreck. I'm not moody or hormonal at all anymore I just want my baby here and I would like her here This weekend if possible. I know that the more days they are in the womb the more beneficial it is for the baby, but really.. I don't sleep at night, these Contractions are messing with my head. I get all excited for a little let down. I'm more then 3cm so my doctor said that was way good. Also when I got checked Lily's head is all the way down in position the doctor was bumping it. I felt a little bad for the baby. Anyways I have a couple things that I need to buy. They are really expensive and it's just as expensive to make them so I should just buy her baby blessing dress. We all ready got her Thanksgiving outfit and I guess if she isn't here by then just return it and shoot for a Christmas one cause she will be here by then.

anywho!

2008-11-06T14:23:00.000-08:00

I'm still not a mom.. yet, but hopefully soon

Anyways I was just thinking about some of the things I can do in December when I wont be working and I will be a parent that will bring our little family closer together. TADA!! The Draper Temple open house is on my list of things to do. I haven't been to a temple open house since the Mt. Timp temple.. and let me tell you it was a great experience. So I'm definitely calling and making reservations.

I have been dying to see this temple up close since they announced it. I heard it's in a gated community but I'm sure that you can still go up like any other temple. I had the pleasure of seeing the Twin Falls Idaho temple last year when we went cave dwelling, and It is BEAUTIFUL just the landscape around it and the position makes the temple so unique. Unfortunately we didn't get to enjoy that much cause I got the call that my brother had passed away, but I remember there being like a cliff next to it where you could see green and a river at the bottom.. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, but the scenery was awesome.

Another thing I want to do Is freaking ride on one of those horse buggies, around temple square in salt lake. I probably can't take a little baby with me, but I have never been on one of them. Every year my family goes up and we watch the pageant sit and listen to Christ(which has been the same since we moved to Utah) The lights of course and the tabernacle! But not once have I been on those horse buggies! And this year I am determined to go.

I'm also going to see WICKED again, but that wont be until April! I went last Christmas and I absolutely fell in love and recommend everyone to go! You will not be disappointed. You have to remember it is a Broadway musical so tickets are expensive, but WORTH IT!! So everyone should go!!

I deleted myspace!

2008-11-05T11:01:00.001-08:00

I never thought I would be able to just finally push the cancel button since I've had my account for more then 4 years, but something told me that It was time to move on from myspace and just have my facebook friends and this blogger!! So If anyone is wondering why we aren't friends on myspace!! Now you know! All my friends on myspace I have on facebook so no sense of have the boring myspace .. Anywho! I am having some pretty sweet contractions, it sucks time is flying by so quickly!

Any Day Now!

2008-11-03T22:30:00.000-08:00

So I went to the doctor today for my "37" week appointment technically it's another 3 days away but whatevs. I saw the midwife who rocks my socks she is an awesome lady! Not awkward being with her at all she makes everyone feel like friends and family, calls for good times in her office. ANYWHO.. I had her check me because I have been having some pretty nice contractions that disturb my sleep, and low and behold she says I'm 3cm dialated all ready!!!!! EEEK. My daughters head is all the way down, and now we just have to wait. She thinks it's going to be anyday until I go into labor, but hopefully next week cause they have some pretty rad numbers next week!! Haha yeah just thought I should keep you updated with that.

On another real note!! I went to see SAW V with Nurn, and I almost died cringing.. sick. I can't believe I allowed all of that to go through my head but oh well, it was a must see.
Maybe next time I write you I will be a mom!!

The rest of Halloween!

2008-11-01T17:48:00.000-07:00

So here are just a few pics from the day!!

I was trying to go vote, but I stopped by my mother's office to take a look at what was going on within the other offices really cute Ideas. Anyways I have an awkward smile cause everyone was staring.

My mom was an ice princess seeing as they were the north pole for Halloween! Cute!! My belly is huge!! Hahaha She is ready to greet the world. Ps I got over wanting to dress her up!

Also Yesterday was my last day of work!! Woohoo!! I was so freaking excited!! No more dealing with crappy people anymore.. or having to clean the stinky office all the time, or doing most of the work!! I was so relieved. In a way I was sad cause I didn't get to say goodbye to my favorite customers! But in the end I need to find something where my skills and my time can take me!! School is a more obvious choice for me at this point. Unless I can go back and run the place like it should be runned!!

Happy Halloween!!

2008-10-31T09:43:00.000-07:00

I Have decided to be something cute.. because thinking about it dressing up trashy while you're pregnant does not go well! Trashy pregnant women are trashy pregnant women and that's how I feel about that. I was having a hard time Seeing what would fit over my CUTE belly, until it came to my attention that my mom had this costume from awhile back that I would wear!! SO be it I'm wearing it and I look so fab! I hate singing praises to myself, but it is hard to feel cute when you're 9 months pregnant and nothing really looks good anymore.

I'm getting a new laptop next week because I found a really good deal, plus I wont have to spend all the money I have saved up I can use my last paycheck to buy it. I'm excited its all white and small and perfect for me. Now I just have to fix the Mac, sell it, Sell my massage table, and hopefully I will be fine with not working for a couple of months!

Anyways I'll take a picture later and show everyone my Halloween Costume!!

Ugh!

2008-10-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse they did. Pretty sure I'm moving out and not speaking to anyone. I don't need anyone's help, or so called support. I love someone who I know isn't the best, but who is perfect? Can anyone answer that? Who is anywhere close to God in being perfect? No one so why does everyone expect so much out of someone. I don't get it and I don't care anymore to try and understand why people are so evil and vindictive.
I wonder to myself why on earth would I allow myself to get pregnant to bring a child into this less than perfect world to be tackled by everyone's jealousy, and guilt, and hatred. How on earth could I have over looked all the bad in this world to bring someone so innocent and perfect, without sin or fault into this world where people can corrupt her poor little spirit. I don't know and in a way I feel selfish for doing that.
I'm really tired of the hurt that people cause me. I really am.. I'm tired of it half the time always being family that does that. I have major sacrifices coming up....

6 weeks left!

2008-10-15T14:34:00.000-07:00

To tell you the truth I'm not sure If I will make the 6 weeks I'm guess I will make it to 4 weeks til the baby comes! There is no way with how much pressure there is on my pelvis that she is not ready to come and great the world. I want my little girl here with my now, but not bad enough that she will have to go through any pain in the NICU. I just have this strong feeling that she does want to come before Thanksgiving. At least she will be here for Christmas! I can't wait to quit working I'm so drained and I don't even do anything at work, but I need to save up a lot of money just incase something happens! I pray that nothing ever does happen to myself of Rob or the baby, but now days what you least expect, happens.

So Sarah said we would take pictures and we never did.. I'm going to have to jump her case for that.. She is a good picture taker! And we need little belly pics!! So yeah I'm officially bored at work. I have this Aunt that is bothering me and she wants to be my friend on facebook so bad.. umm hello can she not get the hint that I deleted her for a reason.

She went and told my whole family that I was pregnant and I have no idea how she found out, cause only my Parents, Sarah, Trin and Turner and of course Rob knew! So I don't know. She called my unlce in Afghanistan to tell him and of course my poor grandmother who loves me to death. I'm angry because I feel like that was my business and she went behind my back and told everyone as if it was some kind of bad thing. Umm hello last thing I knew I'm an adult and pick and choose what I do in life. One thing I will not do is be like her and give my daughter away to various family members so I can go run around with men. NEVER!! I have basically signed my life over to this little angel that I have no idea if she will even like me or not, but I wanna try and make her life the best as possible even though the situation is a lot more difficult then others. I just don't want anymore hurt in my life, especially from family.. you know they are the ones that are supposed to be there for you, but not this family member. They choose randomly out of a hat who they want to target and throw under the bus. First it's my Grandma, then My Brother Jerry, and Then my Mom, and now Me! So not having it at all!!

Pictures From the Beginning til Now-ish!

2008-10-07T19:23:00.000-07:00

So here I am at 18 weeks! Crazy But I think I look good. Just a little belly, It was Awesome!

Here I am at 21 weeks. We just found out we were having a Baby Girl! Really Exciting day!

Ok so somewhat of a really big jump! This is me at 26 weeks! WOW BIG DIFFERENCE

This is week 28 not that big of a deal. 7 months my belly looking good!

This is the most recent! 31 weeks! All though I am 33 weeks This was at my Baby shower! We never knew what could happen so we had it a little early. Better safe then sorry!

Halloween!

2008-10-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

So Halloween is just a couple weeks away and I have always been so down to dress up and go and have fun! This time that isn't the case!

I have no idea what I should be. What's appropriate, and what's not? Should I go to friends parties or is that a little weird? I mean everyone once in their lifetime has been pregnant during halloween but what do they dress up as?!! It really isn't a big deal but I want to look cute too you know! Even if it's an awkward time for me.

8 months all ready!!

2008-10-02T13:44:00.000-07:00

I'm 8 months all ready!! I'm getting soooo nervous it's not even funny! I'm probably not going to be taking birthing classes because I figure I read enough books on pregnancy to be as prepared as possible, but you can never be prepared for this sort of thing, I think. I'm starting to get really uncomfortable like my baby doesn't fit within my body.. my belly is growing, and it's growing nicely. The thing is that it's growing upward not outward so I feel feet and what not in my ribs, and I have to eat small and frequent meals because my stomach feels like it's the size of an apple haha not a good thing. It really hurts sometimes when she sticks her little elbows out of my belly cause my skin isn't that stretchy. I have no Stretchmarks at all which I LOVE!!! But still you know. I am very grateful to God that he gave me this experience, but as for more kids in the future I will probably have to say no to that one. I am glad for all the energy and all the strive I have to provide for my child. I can't imagine sitting on my butt all day and letting Rob take care of me somewhat with the way things are going now days. I'm so happy that Rob isn't struggling financially for us, and that he is taking his schooling seriously. I'm almost jealous of him in a way. He's so head strong and I don't care what anyone says about him. He is a good person, just made some dumb choices. Yes I'm calling myself a dumb choice.

My baby shower was on Saturday and it was really fun. I'm happy everyone came out to support me that said they would. I got a lot of really good stuff. I can't help but feel like someone is jealous of me, and I'm not going to say who or give any hints as to what they are, but everytime I tell this person what I have or what I'm getting they have to try and top it with someone they "asked" for. The way this person looks at me you can tell that they are way envious at the life I live compared to them.

Anyways I feel really bad for someone that I used to loathe. I feel bad for her and her husband and just recently born baby. I can't imagine how much pain this poor family is going through with there little baby being really sick. I don't care how evil you were in the past no one deserves to go through any pain what so ever. I know we aren't even close to being ok with each other but I wish her the best and her family the best because I have matured as a mother to be.

Last but least I'm glad to say that I can't wait, and that I feel like i'm going to have my baby early. We will have to see though. Fingers crossed that it wont happen, but you never know!!

Mormon At Your Convenience

2008-09-13T12:53:00.000-07:00

So I have been thinking lately about something that has really been bothering me, Really inactive Mormons who all of a sudden decided to go to church to gain some sense of self worth.
I was raised by converts who decided to take me to church every sunday and be baptized when I was ready. It so happened my brother Cris and I got baptized on the same day. We went to church every sunday like LDS members are supposed to. The thing is even though we were baptized Mormons our parents didn't think it was fair to know little about other religions.. so when our parents split we would go to church with my dad and participate in what felt like a concert sould surviving thing.. CRAZY!! NOW I have only been inactive since I left high school, but throught out all of my teens years I went to church and was respectful of myself my choices and my vocabulary. Since this I have never spoken Ill if the church or said that I never liked the church or ever wanted to go back. I simply said " The day UTAH members become truely genuine.. is the day I will return to church."

Well what bothers me are these people that have spoken ill of the church and for some reason decide they want to be the best members EVER. They want it all. After a life that takes a couple years of repenting they want to feel on top of the world. Jack Mormons as we like to call them. I used to be one of them, until I realized I'm not ready to go back to church.. with my lifestyle I can not sit there look at these very judgemental people and lie to myself and put shame on our father in heaven. SO I'm just bothered by how some people think just because it's time to grow up they want to go into the temple and live all righteous and what not. Not for me and it bugs me

My Brother!

2008-09-10T16:34:00.001-07:00

So I was thinking about him while I'm sitting here at work and I just thought maybe I should express the things that I've never told anyone.

I was going Camping with my friends and I felt so bad that day that I didn't want to go. I really didn't know why I was feeling so bad, but something was telling me that I shouldn't leave. Then my brother was calling me and he told me that his girlfriend had been so mean to him and that he had cheated on her and she didn't care how he felt about it. I sat at our kitchen table with him while he cried and told me how much he loved her and couldn't handle what had happened to him. I should have asked him to come along. Instead I told him that everything would be all right to give it time and soon enough he would find someone worth crying for. That must have hurt his feelings. He must have felt so alone, or like no one cared or understood.

That night when we were camping I kept looking at my phone as I woke up. I expected something or I don't know I felt so awkward. We went into the cave and at dinner they had called and told me that he had passed away. I couldn't believe it because I had just sat down with him and told him that I loved him and that I would see him in two days. The news felt so surreal. At that moment my heart died along with my brother, I couldn't think of anything except tears and sadness. I tried to remember all of the good times and it just made me sad, and I felt this deep uncontrolable sob every time Cris poped into my head. I just lied in bed when I got to my uncles and just sobbed, and they finally had to give me some meds to try and sleep, but I kept waking up and looking over at my mom and couldn't imagine what it must have been like to find him, and to see them taking his lifeless body away. Or think of how my older brother must have been feeling trying to revive him. No one knows how much it hurt. No one knows the questions I have.

That breakfast was so awkward and sad as we all tried to eat in silence but tried to be cheerful. As the people came in to give my mom their condolences you'd hear her hurtful screams and her asking God why this had to happen to Cris. All anyone could do is cry along with her, and oh did they cry. Everyone loved Cris. He was too much of a character not to. Everyone cried at his funeral.

His funeral was beautiful but I hated every single minute of it. Just to feel his body so cold and so calm tore me up to shreds. No one should burry their 20 year old brother. No one should have to burry a friend, or a Son. All my parents could do was hold each other and sobb. I have never seen my dad so sad over anything, or anyone. I have never seen him cry over something.. it was such a crappy ordeal. Family from all over the place came to help us emotionally and physically.

/

These are the things that no one knew. It amazes me that after all I have been through I am still able to walk around and be happy, and start a family of my own. Yet some people out there are just so evil that they have to bring the bad out in everyone and they have to shoot me down and write hurtful things about me. I don't pitty myself and neither should anyone else. But my life is my life and I don't think that any silly little girl should write what they think they know about me. Yeah it hurts, but I'm over it and they should be too. Anyways that is all I have to say.

Anxious!!

2008-09-10T09:42:00.000-07:00

My Little Girl is in My Ribs and I am feeling anxious to just get her out of there. My baby shower is at the end of this month and I am driving myself crazy just thinking about all the stuff that I need to help my mom with! It's such a scandalous event. You have to worry about your guest showing up or not showing up. You have to worry about whether or not people are going to give you the stuff on your list, whether they ate good or thought it was gross. It's a mess. Anyways I'm late for work cause I just woke up.

Mom Dad Baby!

2008-09-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

This is Mommy And Daddy! I love him, he is the greatest Friend anyone could ask for!

This is baby Liliane.. hanging out! I love her more then Words can Express. She will be great for us!

Just an Update!

2008-09-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

So we have decided the officially name the baby Liliane SanMarie Argyle!
Yeah I think It's way exciting! I can't wait to see her little face she brings so much joy inside my small belly that I couldn't Imagine not being able to have this experience ever.
Her father and I still have our ups and downs but we get along great so our friendship will last forever and I think that Is really really important.

My Friends are still the Greatest and We've added Chelsie into my life and I'm glad, she is such a wonderful person. So I will need a picture of all of us to put up here on my blog.

Anyways just a little something something for now!

25 weeks and growing

2008-08-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

So It's about that time when people actually know that I'm having a baby they don't have to guess anymore because my belly is just way too big!! This makes me a little sad that people can actually see that I'm growing to be a huge pregnant lady, but at the same time it makes me really happy because you know that those people aren't judging you because you are fat.. they are just simply happy for you. As weird as it sounds they are really happy. Babies make everyone happy.
Last night was a really good night and also a really hard night as well. I went to dinner with some friends and of course I'm the only pregnant one that can't do what I used to do. I feel like I can't have fun. So they tell me their stories about their weekend and how bomb it was, and it made me feel really bad; like I was missing out on something. After dinner everyone goes to the bathroom and me and a couple friends stay out and chit chat a bit and they start touching my belly and she was kicking her little heart out and they were so excited and couldn't believe it. They had so much joy on their faces (mind you these are boys). I couldn't help but feel so saddened that these boys who are my friends want to touch my belly and feel my daughter kick a lot more then her father ever does or probably ever will. They compliment my belly more then he ever does, they make me feel like a good person. I told one of the boys that I was saddened that I couldn't hang out and party like I used to, and you know what his response was?
"That is perfectly all right, you have something better to come."
Tear jerker. He was right my daughter is really important to me and I want to teach her the best that I can. Isn't it just so strange that someone can make you feel so good when you feel so down, and they don't even know it.
Anyways the night got better they went and partied and I went home and went to bed.

A Baby Girl!

2008-07-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

So we went to the Doctors on Wednesday and My heart was about to fall out of my chest. I couldn't wait to see my baby it had been two months since the first time and I was about to die. Not only that but I was worried that something was going to be terribly wrong. Thank God that everything was working out as normal. I had rushed that morning to target to buy a CD- DVD thing, so that I can show my parents in Puerto Rico what the good news was. That whole morning I just had a feeling that it would be such a joyous day. I'm in love with my angel and to be honest it wouldn't have mattered to me if it was a boy of a girl. I had just been praying to God to please bless me with a little girl. As a single parent and a young one at that I wouldn't be able to explain the things that he would need to know. I mean I know anatomy very well, but when it comes to another aspect of a young mans life I have no clue!!
My babies Father and my Mother went with me to find out the great news. We are sitting in the ultra sound room and things get started quickly. She asks us what we are hoping for and we both tell her it doesn't matter, but deep down inside I want my baby girl! Our baby was being so stubborn and did not want to show off the goods. Finally not but 5 minutes into the whole thing she tells us its a girl! My Mom was more excited then any of us crying and screaming and shaking our ultra sound girl like crazy. It was a good day for all of us. Well except the dad.. I know he wanted a boy, but as we were looking at our Beautiful creation who could ever wish that they had something else? Not me.
The look on his face was priceless as he just watched our baby in amazement. Maybe he had finally realized what I was so excited over after all. He looked just as Beautiful as our baby girl did and for a moment I felt a loving connection between us as we stared into each others eyes for a couple of minutes. Then I took my eyes off of him and he was still staring at me I could see it in the corner of my eye. Maybe he finally had some appreciation for me, and seeing what wait it is to carry such a Beautiful thing takes a toll on a womens body, mind, and spirit. But it is worth every single minute of it.
Anywho God has blessed me with a baby girl to bring into this world, and I'm sad that my brother Cris didn't get to experience this with my family! The saddest part is that he never got to experience the unlce factor he passed before our nephew Korban was born, but I'm sure that he is in the very same Heaven My baby girl just came from, and I know that deep down inside my heart he encouraged her to choose me as her mother because I would love and care for her just as much as I love care for him. I hope that our next child can be a baby so it can take a little part of my ever missed brother, I know he would love that

So up to these 20 weeks.

2008-07-14T16:16:00.000-07:00

As of right now I have felt a little pulsing kick on my lower belly from the baby at least 15 times. The annoying thing is that I'm at work and I'm very tired and I want to go home. I want to go to bed and watch a movie or something and eat some really good food. The only sad thing about being pregnant is the sudden urge to eat some really random things. Thank goodness that I've never wanted to eat soap or anything like most women do, but I always want fast food. It sounds so much more appetizing then the food I used to eat on a daily bases.
I have to thank my friends and family, for being such a great support and backbone during this difficult time. I know that being pregnant and not married and young is not the best thing, but I could be a lot worse off. I really don't feel like I have done anything wrong or shameful for people to point a hand and blame. I did something with someone I was very in love with at the time, and we didn't care about the consiquences. Now that the result is what we expected things are a lot rockier then they should have been. He's ashamed and wants to hide behind the garments and the church or whatever, and really doesn't want people to know. Too late! I'm showing and if you can't tell I'm 5 months pregnant then I feel really good about my body but sorry for you. Anyways I find out on Wednesday what I am blessed to be bringing in the world!