Sometimes it just hurts!

I can't get over the fact that someone can just betray you just like that! I can't get over the fact that sometimes it just hurts. I think about my past 4 years with Rob.. and sometimes randomly someone some girl will pop up on the do you know them tab. I kinda know them and their profile pic is on his boat! Supposedly when we were still together! It's not the fact that I'm bitter that bothers me 'cause I am a little bitter. It's the fact that Rob is a habitual cheater and I was supposed to be the love of his life. It's the fact that he has no respect for his Daughter or the Mother of his child that bothers me. I want him to be happy and if sleeping around is what makes him happy then so be it. Sometimes the thought that someone lied to you so much just hurts, and there really isn't anything that helps with your emotional guilt.

NOW that's all the bashing I'm going to do for a couple of months lol! GREAT NEWS! Jerry has gotten a new job! SAD NEWS!!! :( He had to move to Houston TX for that Job. After he is done with training and everything he is going to be moving again. He will either be staying in Houston moving to Jersey or Cleveland! We have family and friends in both Houston and Jersey so that would be the best for him, but I'm not so sure about Cleveland. My wish for him is to go to Jersey. I'm pretty selfish when sometimes I pray that he stays in Houston, but the fact of the matter is Jersey is closer to his son and he needs to start building a bond with him. I will miss having him so close everyday and just doing crazy stuff 'cause we could. It's hard when you have to grow up and move on. No one said it would be this heartbreaking. I think about it now and how I'm moving up to Salt Lake in a couple of months. It's going to be hard not having my closest friends and family with me. Planning all this stuff is just so hard, but oh well... such is life!

MORE GREAT NEWS! I got a promotion at work! I've only been there since the beginning of January and I've already been chosen to be one of the Spanish Reps. I get a new desk, more money $$$ YAY! I also get a nicer schedule!! Hopefully (fingers crossed.)

LILS is doing great. She is in dance class so she is learning so much and having so much fun! She comes home and shows me everything she learned. She plays Zumba with me on the WII so mommy can loose weight! That is what she tells everyone. She is just too smart for her own good. I know that every parent says that about their kid and most of them are right, but my kid just has this passion for knowledge she loves to sit and learn. I do not care if she is that nerdy kid in school that knows everything because that way I know that she wasn't like me and getting into trouble. I want so much for her. She is starting school in Aug! It makes me really nervous and I hope that I am doing the right thing by letting her go to school so early! She wants to though and this school for kids like her wants her to go too! They think she can be something extraordinary. It's weird right!? Thinking that your kid could be the next Albert Einstein. I hope she is. Then I would know that at least I did something right with her.

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

A new year, a new me, and a big change

I got a new job... I started dating the best MAN on planet earth! I got my financial life in order. I'm going to move to Salt Lake... it's definitely closer to work! I'm going to buy a new car for myself... it's time.. I deserve it. In a couple of months I will buy my own place.. I deserve that as well, and so does my baby girl Who is 3 now so crazy!!!
My New Years resolution is that I'm not going to let anyone bring me down anymore. I know that I'm a good person and that I have a lot to offer, but if you want to mess that up... your problem not mine. I'm not going to worry sick about it anymore and feel sorry for anyone or myself anymore. I'm definitely not going to pretend to be something I'm not. I don't believe in a lot of things anymore, and that's ok. Because if I am mistaken I know that the only one that can hurt my feelings by pointing his finger at me is God himself!

I just can't!

I just can't sit here and let you do this to me every summer. I just can't let him keep tearing my apart into little pieces! I won't, I can't! I was so madly in love with you for four years of my life! I wanted nothing more then to just spend the rest of our days together.. fill up the house we were going to buy with children. I would've given everything to just try and make a life with you. Sometimes love is just not enough... it's not glue. So why should we try so hard to stay together? You say you're miserable... you're only miserable because you were asked to be a real man and take care of your family! You were asked to spend time with your women and your children! This is my fault though. I should have never let you back in after the baby was born, I knew exactly who you were and what you were doing and like a fool I let you back into our lives not once not twice but four times. Every summer you need your break you need your freedom. The real world has no room for people who have no ambition and no need to contribute to society and get an education to further your life. How is it that this person that I loved doesn't want anything for themselves or their family?!! It's not about the "Riches" or having money for everything. To me being Rich means you have everything you need to make you feel better and blessed! A degree, a house, a family, a good working car, a nice savings account.

We were so opposite at the beginning, but it wasn't a problem because we complimented each other very well! Now we are just so opposite we live on different planets. How could you just up and leave your family for a new one!? What man does that? Oh I could tell you Rob does that! Every year, and every year I forgive him because I can't stand the fact that my daughter will be broken like I was. I'm not the type to just move on with her life as if nothing happened and start dating other people. But at the same time, what am I supposed to do with my life? I can't take you back or forgive you every time you decide you want to find another family!

The sad part is that I work so much to make up for your pay cut! For you wanting to be closer with us and be "better" for us that I have no time in my day to care about what you are doing, to care about what you said or how you are doing... or who you are doing (sorry but these are my thoughts, you don't get to judge) I don't get time to myself to sit an actually feel sad about it this time. The only time I get to myself I have so much to do I don't sit and ponder and ask the why me's? I just really don't care this time. The only thing I care about is you wanting to divide our daughter like she's a bagel and we should spend equal time. Why should you get more time then me? I work just as hard? Just cause you're Lil's father doesn't mean much? Yes you're good to her, but no that's not how it works! You hated the truck that we bought you never wanted to drive it and the first thing you do is fight for it and keep it! What's it about anyways! I don't think I can be civil. Quit frankly I'm getting annoyed! I don't wish you bad I wish you well I just wish that you could get it together for more then 6 months at a time. That is all I wish for you.