So I have been thinking lately about something that has really been bothering me, Really inactive Mormons who all of a sudden decided to go to church to gain some sense of self worth.
I was raised by converts who decided to take me to church every sunday and be baptized when I was ready. It so happened my brother Cris and I got baptized on the same day. We went to church every sunday like LDS members are supposed to. The thing is even though we were baptized Mormons our parents didn't think it was fair to know little about other religions.. so when our parents split we would go to church with my dad and participate in what felt like a concert sould surviving thing.. CRAZY!! NOW I have only been inactive since I left high school, but throught out all of my teens years I went to church and was respectful of myself my choices and my vocabulary. Since this I have never spoken Ill if the church or said that I never liked the church or ever wanted to go back. I simply said " The day UTAH members become truely genuine.. is the day I will return to church."
Well what bothers me are these people that have spoken ill of the church and for some reason decide they want to be the best members EVER. They want it all. After a life that takes a couple years of repenting they want to feel on top of the world. Jack Mormons as we like to call them. I used to be one of them, until I realized I'm not ready to go back to church.. with my lifestyle I can not sit there look at these very judgemental people and lie to myself and put shame on our father in heaven. SO I'm just bothered by how some people think just because it's time to grow up they want to go into the temple and live all righteous and what not. Not for me and it bugs me
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
My Brother!
So I was thinking about him while I'm sitting here at work and I just thought maybe I should express the things that I've never told anyone.
I was going Camping with my friends and I felt so bad that day that I didn't want to go. I really didn't know why I was feeling so bad, but something was telling me that I shouldn't leave. Then my brother was calling me and he told me that his girlfriend had been so mean to him and that he had cheated on her and she didn't care how he felt about it. I sat at our kitchen table with him while he cried and told me how much he loved her and couldn't handle what had happened to him. I should have asked him to come along. Instead I told him that everything would be all right to give it time and soon enough he would find someone worth crying for. That must have hurt his feelings. He must have felt so alone, or like no one cared or understood.
That night when we were camping I kept looking at my phone as I woke up. I expected something or I don't know I felt so awkward. We went into the cave and at dinner they had called and told me that he had passed away. I couldn't believe it because I had just sat down with him and told him that I loved him and that I would see him in two days. The news felt so surreal. At that moment my heart died along with my brother, I couldn't think of anything except tears and sadness. I tried to remember all of the good times and it just made me sad, and I felt this deep uncontrolable sob every time Cris poped into my head. I just lied in bed when I got to my uncles and just sobbed, and they finally had to give me some meds to try and sleep, but I kept waking up and looking over at my mom and couldn't imagine what it must have been like to find him, and to see them taking his lifeless body away. Or think of how my older brother must have been feeling trying to revive him. No one knows how much it hurt. No one knows the questions I have.
That breakfast was so awkward and sad as we all tried to eat in silence but tried to be cheerful. As the people came in to give my mom their condolences you'd hear her hurtful screams and her asking God why this had to happen to Cris. All anyone could do is cry along with her, and oh did they cry. Everyone loved Cris. He was too much of a character not to. Everyone cried at his funeral.
His funeral was beautiful but I hated every single minute of it. Just to feel his body so cold and so calm tore me up to shreds. No one should burry their 20 year old brother. No one should have to burry a friend, or a Son. All my parents could do was hold each other and sobb. I have never seen my dad so sad over anything, or anyone. I have never seen him cry over something.. it was such a crappy ordeal. Family from all over the place came to help us emotionally and physically.
/
These are the things that no one knew. It amazes me that after all I have been through I am still able to walk around and be happy, and start a family of my own. Yet some people out there are just so evil that they have to bring the bad out in everyone and they have to shoot me down and write hurtful things about me. I don't pitty myself and neither should anyone else. But my life is my life and I don't think that any silly little girl should write what they think they know about me. Yeah it hurts, but I'm over it and they should be too. Anyways that is all I have to say.
I was going Camping with my friends and I felt so bad that day that I didn't want to go. I really didn't know why I was feeling so bad, but something was telling me that I shouldn't leave. Then my brother was calling me and he told me that his girlfriend had been so mean to him and that he had cheated on her and she didn't care how he felt about it. I sat at our kitchen table with him while he cried and told me how much he loved her and couldn't handle what had happened to him. I should have asked him to come along. Instead I told him that everything would be all right to give it time and soon enough he would find someone worth crying for. That must have hurt his feelings. He must have felt so alone, or like no one cared or understood.
That night when we were camping I kept looking at my phone as I woke up. I expected something or I don't know I felt so awkward. We went into the cave and at dinner they had called and told me that he had passed away. I couldn't believe it because I had just sat down with him and told him that I loved him and that I would see him in two days. The news felt so surreal. At that moment my heart died along with my brother, I couldn't think of anything except tears and sadness. I tried to remember all of the good times and it just made me sad, and I felt this deep uncontrolable sob every time Cris poped into my head. I just lied in bed when I got to my uncles and just sobbed, and they finally had to give me some meds to try and sleep, but I kept waking up and looking over at my mom and couldn't imagine what it must have been like to find him, and to see them taking his lifeless body away. Or think of how my older brother must have been feeling trying to revive him. No one knows how much it hurt. No one knows the questions I have.
That breakfast was so awkward and sad as we all tried to eat in silence but tried to be cheerful. As the people came in to give my mom their condolences you'd hear her hurtful screams and her asking God why this had to happen to Cris. All anyone could do is cry along with her, and oh did they cry. Everyone loved Cris. He was too much of a character not to. Everyone cried at his funeral.
His funeral was beautiful but I hated every single minute of it. Just to feel his body so cold and so calm tore me up to shreds. No one should burry their 20 year old brother. No one should have to burry a friend, or a Son. All my parents could do was hold each other and sobb. I have never seen my dad so sad over anything, or anyone. I have never seen him cry over something.. it was such a crappy ordeal. Family from all over the place came to help us emotionally and physically.
/These are the things that no one knew. It amazes me that after all I have been through I am still able to walk around and be happy, and start a family of my own. Yet some people out there are just so evil that they have to bring the bad out in everyone and they have to shoot me down and write hurtful things about me. I don't pitty myself and neither should anyone else. But my life is my life and I don't think that any silly little girl should write what they think they know about me. Yeah it hurts, but I'm over it and they should be too. Anyways that is all I have to say.
Anxious!!
My Little Girl is in My Ribs and I am feeling anxious to just get her out of there. My baby shower is at the end of this month and I am driving myself crazy just thinking about all the stuff that I need to help my mom with! It's such a scandalous event. You have to worry about your guest showing up or not showing up. You have to worry about whether or not people are going to give you the stuff on your list, whether they ate good or thought it was gross. It's a mess. Anyways I'm late for work cause I just woke up.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Mom Dad Baby!
This is Mommy And Daddy! I love him, he is the greatest Friend anyone could ask for!
This is baby Liliane.. hanging out! I love her more then Words can Express. She will be great for us!
Just an Update!
So we have decided the officially name the baby Liliane SanMarie Argyle!
Yeah I think It's way exciting! I can't wait to see her little face she brings so much joy inside my small belly that I couldn't Imagine not being able to have this experience ever.
Her father and I still have our ups and downs but we get along great so our friendship will last forever and I think that Is really really important.
My Friends are still the Greatest and We've added Chelsie into my life and I'm glad, she is such a wonderful person. So I will need a picture of all of us to put up here on my blog.
Anyways just a little something something for now!
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