Just another update!

I am coming to terms that during my pregnancy I was a really angry person! I would pick and choose the people I would want to be friends with, or the family that I'm going to like! It was really the pits! I don't want to be an angry person anymore. I haven't missed a Sunday yet but I guess I should pay more attention. I am really striving to be a better person! I think I'm doing a better job at it. I still get mad over the little things, and I still loathe when people defy my trust. But enough about that.

My Baby Girl is a month old!!! Yay I love her to pieces! She makes me world go round. It kinda sucks that I got a cold, and she has a stuff nose from the heater, so I have to have the humidifier on 24/7 and I don't mind but you know I feel bad. I have to suction out her nose and she absolutely does not like it she screams, and screams. I mean who can blame her, her passage way is just way too small! And of course the nose drops I put in. She is just such a blessing and I love her more then life itself and I'm so afraid now that I have her! She is just way too innocent for the world! Anyways I'm getting a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee and I am just so excited. Rob is making me look for all the good deals and then when we find the one we absolutely love it's ours!! But this makes it hard for me because I'm not very patient and I want it now! Well back to tending my child.




She looks so darn happy!!
Lol she hates that bow!

3 weeks old all ready!!

I love my child and I am so grateful to have her in my life. She has been the biggest pain in the bum and the cutest most loving person ever. She is so spoiled and you can just tell with the way she acts. She always has to fall asleep in someone's arms, she always has to eat as soon as you change her diaper. She has to be rocked if she was woken up. She loves her baths especially if mommy sits in there with her. She loves her green binky, and that is the only binky she will have in her mouth. She does not like to be changed or bothered or woken up. She likes her space. She loves daddy and loves being in his arms, and she is automatically soothed by the sound of his voice. When he sings to her in Tongan she is quiet, cool, and picks her self up all together because she loves daddy! Daddy loves his baby girl more then anything.. even more then me I think, but he wont admit that. Anyways she went to her 2 week appointment on monday and the Dr's say that she is above average in all her percentils except for growth.. she is officially a shorty haha!! I don't mind cause I'm not that tall and neither is Rob. Who knows maybe she will grow to be way bigger then all of us. I am so blessed that God made her smart and healthy and so darn aware of everything that is going on. I couldn't have had it any better. I guess my choice in prenatals really really helped me out! Anyways I have to get ready for church just thought I would blog a bit..

Happy Thanksgiving.. little late!

This was her Outfit today she looks so cute!!


Her Thanksgiving Dress!! Haha She has a flared nostril I love Her!!




So being that Thanksgiving was yesterday I feel bad for not up dating but I was just so dang tired I didn't even dress nice for dinner!
I'm happy to say that I fit into my jeans again and all I have to do is work out my legs and when the doctor gives me the ok I'm going to hit the gym and work on my flabby belly! Everyone is shocked that I had a 7lb baby in my belly with how quick I lost weight. The down part is one of my breast makes more milk then the other so I have a D cup and a C cup lol! Very sad.

Well I have to say that I am thankful for God, My Babies health and Beauty, My Family, Rob, His Family, and Prayer. It has helped me so much to deal with the stresses of being alone all day with the baby and then taking care of her at night while everyone sleeps because they have to work early in the morning. She's having a hard time staying up in the day even when I wake her, but that's the name of the game isn't it. I'm thankful that God has given me this gift that I like to call apathy. I have changed so much in this last week and I can feel it. I care more for my 3 person family then the fights I've been in the past. Or the people that have done me wrong. I miss everyone I used to be friends with and it doesn't matter that they have been shady or messed up with me. I have forgiven them and I am ready to move into my little cottage with my Baby and live happily ever after. Anyways Happy late Thanksgiving!!

She is finally here!!

After a long 9 months of waiting for my Beautiful Baby Girl she is finally here!! I am so Lucky and I am so in love with her.

Ok so the facts are that I had a 5 hour labor started at 8am ended at 1pm. I highly recommend the drugs there is no way on earth I could have done it without them. Giving birth is exciting and painful and I stopped breathing during every strong contraction because it is just that intense. Anyways I went in at a 4cm and then an hour later I was about 6 I got the nice epidural and it wasn't working at first and I just started balling my eyes out! It is too painful to explain, so then the anesthesiologist suggested that I should get checked again and I was an 8! So I had to get an extra dose that would but the epidural up to par with where I was. After It started feeling way nice I was a full 10 just 30 minutes after the extra dose. My doctor had me wait a little so the baby would start making her way down and there wouldn't be as much tearing or pushing. Anyways I started pushing at 12:30 and 40 minutes later we had a baby!! Greatest experience of my life!

They say any day!

So I noticed that the doctor tells you any day now you will have your little baby.. ok hold up!!! I think that you're pulling my leg because I have been waiting everyday for the past two weeks and still Baby Liliane is doing the happy dance in my belly!
I'm starting to feel like a train wreck. I'm not moody or hormonal at all anymore I just want my baby here and I would like her here This weekend if possible. I know that the more days they are in the womb the more beneficial it is for the baby, but really.. I don't sleep at night, these Contractions are messing with my head. I get all excited for a little let down. I'm more then 3cm so my doctor said that was way good. Also when I got checked Lily's head is all the way down in position the doctor was bumping it. I felt a little bad for the baby. Anyways I have a couple things that I need to buy. They are really expensive and it's just as expensive to make them so I should just buy her baby blessing dress. We all ready got her Thanksgiving outfit and I guess if she isn't here by then just return it and shoot for a Christmas one cause she will be here by then.

anywho!

I'm still not a mom.. yet, but hopefully soon

Anyways I was just thinking about some of the things I can do in December when I wont be working and I will be a parent that will bring our little family closer together. TADA!! The Draper Temple open house is on my list of things to do. I haven't been to a temple open house since the Mt. Timp temple.. and let me tell you it was a great experience. So I'm definitely calling and making reservations.

I have been dying to see this temple up close since they announced it. I heard it's in a gated community but I'm sure that you can still go up like any other temple. I had the pleasure of seeing the Twin Falls Idaho temple last year when we went cave dwelling, and It is BEAUTIFUL just the landscape around it and the position makes the temple so unique. Unfortunately we didn't get to enjoy that much cause I got the call that my brother had passed away, but I remember there being like a cliff next to it where you could see green and a river at the bottom.. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, but the scenery was awesome.

Another thing I want to do Is freaking ride on one of those horse buggies, around temple square in salt lake. I probably can't take a little baby with me, but I have never been on one of them. Every year my family goes up and we watch the pageant sit and listen to Christ(which has been the same since we moved to Utah) The lights of course and the tabernacle! But not once have I been on those horse buggies! And this year I am determined to go.

I'm also going to see WICKED again, but that wont be until April! I went last Christmas and I absolutely fell in love and recommend everyone to go! You will not be disappointed. You have to remember it is a Broadway musical so tickets are expensive, but WORTH IT!! So everyone should go!!

I deleted myspace!

I never thought I would be able to just finally push the cancel button since I've had my account for more then 4 years, but something told me that It was time to move on from myspace and just have my facebook friends and this blogger!! So If anyone is wondering why we aren't friends on myspace!! Now you know! All my friends on myspace I have on facebook so no sense of have the boring myspace .. Anywho! I am having some pretty sweet contractions, it sucks time is flying by so quickly!

Any Day Now!

So I went to the doctor today for my "37" week appointment technically it's another 3 days away but whatevs. I saw the midwife who rocks my socks she is an awesome lady! Not awkward being with her at all she makes everyone feel like friends and family, calls for good times in her office. ANYWHO.. I had her check me because I have been having some pretty nice contractions that disturb my sleep, and low and behold she says I'm 3cm dialated all ready!!!!! EEEK. My daughters head is all the way down, and now we just have to wait. She thinks it's going to be anyday until I go into labor, but hopefully next week cause they have some pretty rad numbers next week!! Haha yeah just thought I should keep you updated with that.

On another real note!! I went to see SAW V with Nurn, and I almost died cringing.. sick. I can't believe I allowed all of that to go through my head but oh well, it was a must see.
Maybe next time I write you I will be a mom!!

The rest of Halloween!

So here are just a few pics from the day!!




I was trying to go vote, but I stopped by my mother's office to take a look at what was going on within the other offices really cute Ideas. Anyways I have an awkward smile cause everyone was staring.




My mom was an ice princess seeing as they were the north pole for Halloween! Cute!! My belly is huge!! Hahaha She is ready to greet the world. Ps I got over wanting to dress her up!


Also Yesterday was my last day of work!! Woohoo!! I was so freaking excited!! No more dealing with crappy people anymore.. or having to clean the stinky office all the time, or doing most of the work!! I was so relieved. In a way I was sad cause I didn't get to say goodbye to my favorite customers! But in the end I need to find something where my skills and my time can take me!! School is a more obvious choice for me at this point. Unless I can go back and run the place like it should be runned!!

Happy Halloween!!

I Have decided to be something cute.. because thinking about it dressing up trashy while you're pregnant does not go well! Trashy pregnant women are trashy pregnant women and that's how I feel about that. I was having a hard time Seeing what would fit over my CUTE belly, until it came to my attention that my mom had this costume from awhile back that I would wear!! SO be it I'm wearing it and I look so fab! I hate singing praises to myself, but it is hard to feel cute when you're 9 months pregnant and nothing really looks good anymore.

I'm getting a new laptop next week because I found a really good deal, plus I wont have to spend all the money I have saved up I can use my last paycheck to buy it. I'm excited its all white and small and perfect for me. Now I just have to fix the Mac, sell it, Sell my massage table, and hopefully I will be fine with not working for a couple of months!

Anyways I'll take a picture later and show everyone my Halloween Costume!!

Ugh!

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse they did. Pretty sure I'm moving out and not speaking to anyone. I don't need anyone's help, or so called support. I love someone who I know isn't the best, but who is perfect? Can anyone answer that? Who is anywhere close to God in being perfect? No one so why does everyone expect so much out of someone. I don't get it and I don't care anymore to try and understand why people are so evil and vindictive.
I wonder to myself why on earth would I allow myself to get pregnant to bring a child into this less than perfect world to be tackled by everyone's jealousy, and guilt, and hatred. How on earth could I have over looked all the bad in this world to bring someone so innocent and perfect, without sin or fault into this world where people can corrupt her poor little spirit. I don't know and in a way I feel selfish for doing that.
I'm really tired of the hurt that people cause me. I really am.. I'm tired of it half the time always being family that does that. I have major sacrifices coming up....

6 weeks left!

To tell you the truth I'm not sure If I will make the 6 weeks I'm guess I will make it to 4 weeks til the baby comes! There is no way with how much pressure there is on my pelvis that she is not ready to come and great the world. I want my little girl here with my now, but not bad enough that she will have to go through any pain in the NICU. I just have this strong feeling that she does want to come before Thanksgiving. At least she will be here for Christmas! I can't wait to quit working I'm so drained and I don't even do anything at work, but I need to save up a lot of money just incase something happens! I pray that nothing ever does happen to myself of Rob or the baby, but now days what you least expect, happens.

So Sarah said we would take pictures and we never did.. I'm going to have to jump her case for that.. She is a good picture taker! And we need little belly pics!! So yeah I'm officially bored at work. I have this Aunt that is bothering me and she wants to be my friend on facebook so bad.. umm hello can she not get the hint that I deleted her for a reason.

She went and told my whole family that I was pregnant and I have no idea how she found out, cause only my Parents, Sarah, Trin and Turner and of course Rob knew! So I don't know. She called my unlce in Afghanistan to tell him and of course my poor grandmother who loves me to death. I'm angry because I feel like that was my business and she went behind my back and told everyone as if it was some kind of bad thing. Umm hello last thing I knew I'm an adult and pick and choose what I do in life. One thing I will not do is be like her and give my daughter away to various family members so I can go run around with men. NEVER!! I have basically signed my life over to this little angel that I have no idea if she will even like me or not, but I wanna try and make her life the best as possible even though the situation is a lot more difficult then others. I just don't want anymore hurt in my life, especially from family.. you know they are the ones that are supposed to be there for you, but not this family member. They choose randomly out of a hat who they want to target and throw under the bus. First it's my Grandma, then My Brother Jerry, and Then my Mom, and now Me! So not having it at all!!

Pictures From the Beginning til Now-ish!

So here I am at 18 weeks! Crazy But I think I look good. Just a little belly, It was Awesome!



Here I am at 21 weeks. We just found out we were having a Baby Girl! Really Exciting day!



Ok so somewhat of a really big jump! This is me at 26 weeks! WOW BIG DIFFERENCE



This is week 28 not that big of a deal. 7 months my belly looking good!




This is the most recent! 31 weeks! All though I am 33 weeks This was at my Baby shower! We never knew what could happen so we had it a little early. Better safe then sorry!

Halloween!

So Halloween is just a couple weeks away and I have always been so down to dress up and go and have fun! This time that isn't the case!

I have no idea what I should be. What's appropriate, and what's not? Should I go to friends parties or is that a little weird? I mean everyone once in their lifetime has been pregnant during halloween but what do they dress up as?!! It really isn't a big deal but I want to look cute too you know! Even if it's an awkward time for me.

8 months all ready!!

I'm 8 months all ready!! I'm getting soooo nervous it's not even funny! I'm probably not going to be taking birthing classes because I figure I read enough books on pregnancy to be as prepared as possible, but you can never be prepared for this sort of thing, I think. I'm starting to get really uncomfortable like my baby doesn't fit within my body.. my belly is growing, and it's growing nicely. The thing is that it's growing upward not outward so I feel feet and what not in my ribs, and I have to eat small and frequent meals because my stomach feels like it's the size of an apple haha not a good thing. It really hurts sometimes when she sticks her little elbows out of my belly cause my skin isn't that stretchy. I have no Stretchmarks at all which I LOVE!!! But still you know. I am very grateful to God that he gave me this experience, but as for more kids in the future I will probably have to say no to that one. I am glad for all the energy and all the strive I have to provide for my child. I can't imagine sitting on my butt all day and letting Rob take care of me somewhat with the way things are going now days. I'm so happy that Rob isn't struggling financially for us, and that he is taking his schooling seriously. I'm almost jealous of him in a way. He's so head strong and I don't care what anyone says about him. He is a good person, just made some dumb choices. Yes I'm calling myself a dumb choice.

My baby shower was on Saturday and it was really fun. I'm happy everyone came out to support me that said they would. I got a lot of really good stuff. I can't help but feel like someone is jealous of me, and I'm not going to say who or give any hints as to what they are, but everytime I tell this person what I have or what I'm getting they have to try and top it with someone they "asked" for. The way this person looks at me you can tell that they are way envious at the life I live compared to them.

Anyways I feel really bad for someone that I used to loathe. I feel bad for her and her husband and just recently born baby. I can't imagine how much pain this poor family is going through with there little baby being really sick. I don't care how evil you were in the past no one deserves to go through any pain what so ever. I know we aren't even close to being ok with each other but I wish her the best and her family the best because I have matured as a mother to be.

Last but least I'm glad to say that I can't wait, and that I feel like i'm going to have my baby early. We will have to see though. Fingers crossed that it wont happen, but you never know!!

Mormon At Your Convenience

So I have been thinking lately about something that has really been bothering me, Really inactive Mormons who all of a sudden decided to go to church to gain some sense of self worth.
I was raised by converts who decided to take me to church every sunday and be baptized when I was ready. It so happened my brother Cris and I got baptized on the same day. We went to church every sunday like LDS members are supposed to. The thing is even though we were baptized Mormons our parents didn't think it was fair to know little about other religions.. so when our parents split we would go to church with my dad and participate in what felt like a concert sould surviving thing.. CRAZY!! NOW I have only been inactive since I left high school, but throught out all of my teens years I went to church and was respectful of myself my choices and my vocabulary. Since this I have never spoken Ill if the church or said that I never liked the church or ever wanted to go back. I simply said " The day UTAH members become truely genuine.. is the day I will return to church."

Well what bothers me are these people that have spoken ill of the church and for some reason decide they want to be the best members EVER. They want it all. After a life that takes a couple years of repenting they want to feel on top of the world. Jack Mormons as we like to call them. I used to be one of them, until I realized I'm not ready to go back to church.. with my lifestyle I can not sit there look at these very judgemental people and lie to myself and put shame on our father in heaven. SO I'm just bothered by how some people think just because it's time to grow up they want to go into the temple and live all righteous and what not. Not for me and it bugs me

My Brother!

So I was thinking about him while I'm sitting here at work and I just thought maybe I should express the things that I've never told anyone.

I was going Camping with my friends and I felt so bad that day that I didn't want to go. I really didn't know why I was feeling so bad, but something was telling me that I shouldn't leave. Then my brother was calling me and he told me that his girlfriend had been so mean to him and that he had cheated on her and she didn't care how he felt about it. I sat at our kitchen table with him while he cried and told me how much he loved her and couldn't handle what had happened to him. I should have asked him to come along. Instead I told him that everything would be all right to give it time and soon enough he would find someone worth crying for. That must have hurt his feelings. He must have felt so alone, or like no one cared or understood.

That night when we were camping I kept looking at my phone as I woke up. I expected something or I don't know I felt so awkward. We went into the cave and at dinner they had called and told me that he had passed away. I couldn't believe it because I had just sat down with him and told him that I loved him and that I would see him in two days. The news felt so surreal. At that moment my heart died along with my brother, I couldn't think of anything except tears and sadness. I tried to remember all of the good times and it just made me sad, and I felt this deep uncontrolable sob every time Cris poped into my head. I just lied in bed when I got to my uncles and just sobbed, and they finally had to give me some meds to try and sleep, but I kept waking up and looking over at my mom and couldn't imagine what it must have been like to find him, and to see them taking his lifeless body away. Or think of how my older brother must have been feeling trying to revive him. No one knows how much it hurt. No one knows the questions I have.

That breakfast was so awkward and sad as we all tried to eat in silence but tried to be cheerful. As the people came in to give my mom their condolences you'd hear her hurtful screams and her asking God why this had to happen to Cris. All anyone could do is cry along with her, and oh did they cry. Everyone loved Cris. He was too much of a character not to. Everyone cried at his funeral.

His funeral was beautiful but I hated every single minute of it. Just to feel his body so cold and so calm tore me up to shreds. No one should burry their 20 year old brother. No one should have to burry a friend, or a Son. All my parents could do was hold each other and sobb. I have never seen my dad so sad over anything, or anyone. I have never seen him cry over something.. it was such a crappy ordeal. Family from all over the place came to help us emotionally and physically.

/


These are the things that no one knew. It amazes me that after all I have been through I am still able to walk around and be happy, and start a family of my own. Yet some people out there are just so evil that they have to bring the bad out in everyone and they have to shoot me down and write hurtful things about me. I don't pitty myself and neither should anyone else. But my life is my life and I don't think that any silly little girl should write what they think they know about me. Yeah it hurts, but I'm over it and they should be too. Anyways that is all I have to say.

Anxious!!

My Little Girl is in My Ribs and I am feeling anxious to just get her out of there. My baby shower is at the end of this month and I am driving myself crazy just thinking about all the stuff that I need to help my mom with! It's such a scandalous event. You have to worry about your guest showing up or not showing up. You have to worry about whether or not people are going to give you the stuff on your list, whether they ate good or thought it was gross. It's a mess. Anyways I'm late for work cause I just woke up.

Mom Dad Baby!

This is Mommy And Daddy! I love him, he is the greatest Friend anyone could ask for!







This is baby Liliane.. hanging out! I love her more then Words can Express. She will be great for us!

Just an Update!

So we have decided the officially name the baby Liliane SanMarie Argyle!
Yeah I think It's way exciting! I can't wait to see her little face she brings so much joy inside my small belly that I couldn't Imagine not being able to have this experience ever.
Her father and I still have our ups and downs but we get along great so our friendship will last forever and I think that Is really really important.

My Friends are still the Greatest and We've added Chelsie into my life and I'm glad, she is such a wonderful person. So I will need a picture of all of us to put up here on my blog.

Anyways just a little something something for now!

25 weeks and growing

So It's about that time when people actually know that I'm having a baby they don't have to guess anymore because my belly is just way too big!! This makes me a little sad that people can actually see that I'm growing to be a huge pregnant lady, but at the same time it makes me really happy because you know that those people aren't judging you because you are fat.. they are just simply happy for you. As weird as it sounds they are really happy. Babies make everyone happy.
Last night was a really good night and also a really hard night as well. I went to dinner with some friends and of course I'm the only pregnant one that can't do what I used to do. I feel like I can't have fun. So they tell me their stories about their weekend and how bomb it was, and it made me feel really bad; like I was missing out on something. After dinner everyone goes to the bathroom and me and a couple friends stay out and chit chat a bit and they start touching my belly and she was kicking her little heart out and they were so excited and couldn't believe it. They had so much joy on their faces (mind you these are boys). I couldn't help but feel so saddened that these boys who are my friends want to touch my belly and feel my daughter kick a lot more then her father ever does or probably ever will. They compliment my belly more then he ever does, they make me feel like a good person. I told one of the boys that I was saddened that I couldn't hang out and party like I used to, and you know what his response was?
"That is perfectly all right, you have something better to come."
Tear jerker. He was right my daughter is really important to me and I want to teach her the best that I can. Isn't it just so strange that someone can make you feel so good when you feel so down, and they don't even know it.
Anyways the night got better they went and partied and I went home and went to bed.

A Baby Girl!

So we went to the Doctors on Wednesday and My heart was about to fall out of my chest. I couldn't wait to see my baby it had been two months since the first time and I was about to die. Not only that but I was worried that something was going to be terribly wrong. Thank God that everything was working out as normal. I had rushed that morning to target to buy a CD- DVD thing, so that I can show my parents in Puerto Rico what the good news was. That whole morning I just had a feeling that it would be such a joyous day. I'm in love with my angel and to be honest it wouldn't have mattered to me if it was a boy of a girl. I had just been praying to God to please bless me with a little girl. As a single parent and a young one at that I wouldn't be able to explain the things that he would need to know. I mean I know anatomy very well, but when it comes to another aspect of a young mans life I have no clue!!
My babies Father and my Mother went with me to find out the great news. We are sitting in the ultra sound room and things get started quickly. She asks us what we are hoping for and we both tell her it doesn't matter, but deep down inside I want my baby girl! Our baby was being so stubborn and did not want to show off the goods. Finally not but 5 minutes into the whole thing she tells us its a girl! My Mom was more excited then any of us crying and screaming and shaking our ultra sound girl like crazy. It was a good day for all of us. Well except the dad.. I know he wanted a boy, but as we were looking at our Beautiful creation who could ever wish that they had something else? Not me.
The look on his face was priceless as he just watched our baby in amazement. Maybe he had finally realized what I was so excited over after all. He looked just as Beautiful as our baby girl did and for a moment I felt a loving connection between us as we stared into each others eyes for a couple of minutes. Then I took my eyes off of him and he was still staring at me I could see it in the corner of my eye. Maybe he finally had some appreciation for me, and seeing what wait it is to carry such a Beautiful thing takes a toll on a womens body, mind, and spirit. But it is worth every single minute of it.
Anywho God has blessed me with a baby girl to bring into this world, and I'm sad that my brother Cris didn't get to experience this with my family! The saddest part is that he never got to experience the unlce factor he passed before our nephew Korban was born, but I'm sure that he is in the very same Heaven My baby girl just came from, and I know that deep down inside my heart he encouraged her to choose me as her mother because I would love and care for her just as much as I love care for him. I hope that our next child can be a baby so it can take a little part of my ever missed brother, I know he would love that

So up to these 20 weeks.

As of right now I have felt a little pulsing kick on my lower belly from the baby at least 15 times. The annoying thing is that I'm at work and I'm very tired and I want to go home. I want to go to bed and watch a movie or something and eat some really good food. The only sad thing about being pregnant is the sudden urge to eat some really random things. Thank goodness that I've never wanted to eat soap or anything like most women do, but I always want fast food. It sounds so much more appetizing then the food I used to eat on a daily bases.
I have to thank my friends and family, for being such a great support and backbone during this difficult time. I know that being pregnant and not married and young is not the best thing, but I could be a lot worse off. I really don't feel like I have done anything wrong or shameful for people to point a hand and blame. I did something with someone I was very in love with at the time, and we didn't care about the consiquences. Now that the result is what we expected things are a lot rockier then they should have been. He's ashamed and wants to hide behind the garments and the church or whatever, and really doesn't want people to know. Too late! I'm showing and if you can't tell I'm 5 months pregnant then I feel really good about my body but sorry for you. Anyways I find out on Wednesday what I am blessed to be bringing in the world!