My Brother!

So I was thinking about him while I'm sitting here at work and I just thought maybe I should express the things that I've never told anyone.

I was going Camping with my friends and I felt so bad that day that I didn't want to go. I really didn't know why I was feeling so bad, but something was telling me that I shouldn't leave. Then my brother was calling me and he told me that his girlfriend had been so mean to him and that he had cheated on her and she didn't care how he felt about it. I sat at our kitchen table with him while he cried and told me how much he loved her and couldn't handle what had happened to him. I should have asked him to come along. Instead I told him that everything would be all right to give it time and soon enough he would find someone worth crying for. That must have hurt his feelings. He must have felt so alone, or like no one cared or understood.

That night when we were camping I kept looking at my phone as I woke up. I expected something or I don't know I felt so awkward. We went into the cave and at dinner they had called and told me that he had passed away. I couldn't believe it because I had just sat down with him and told him that I loved him and that I would see him in two days. The news felt so surreal. At that moment my heart died along with my brother, I couldn't think of anything except tears and sadness. I tried to remember all of the good times and it just made me sad, and I felt this deep uncontrolable sob every time Cris poped into my head. I just lied in bed when I got to my uncles and just sobbed, and they finally had to give me some meds to try and sleep, but I kept waking up and looking over at my mom and couldn't imagine what it must have been like to find him, and to see them taking his lifeless body away. Or think of how my older brother must have been feeling trying to revive him. No one knows how much it hurt. No one knows the questions I have.

That breakfast was so awkward and sad as we all tried to eat in silence but tried to be cheerful. As the people came in to give my mom their condolences you'd hear her hurtful screams and her asking God why this had to happen to Cris. All anyone could do is cry along with her, and oh did they cry. Everyone loved Cris. He was too much of a character not to. Everyone cried at his funeral.

His funeral was beautiful but I hated every single minute of it. Just to feel his body so cold and so calm tore me up to shreds. No one should burry their 20 year old brother. No one should have to burry a friend, or a Son. All my parents could do was hold each other and sobb. I have never seen my dad so sad over anything, or anyone. I have never seen him cry over something.. it was such a crappy ordeal. Family from all over the place came to help us emotionally and physically.

/


These are the things that no one knew. It amazes me that after all I have been through I am still able to walk around and be happy, and start a family of my own. Yet some people out there are just so evil that they have to bring the bad out in everyone and they have to shoot me down and write hurtful things about me. I don't pitty myself and neither should anyone else. But my life is my life and I don't think that any silly little girl should write what they think they know about me. Yeah it hurts, but I'm over it and they should be too. Anyways that is all I have to say.