So Rob being layed off gives us so much to work with. He can get his car business going which has been ok for him considering he had a full time job. But now I can go to school full time and get my degree a lot faster then we had anticipated. This will be a good thing for us. He's just going to watch Lili in the day time while i'm at school and work at night.. who knows we haven't figured it out just yet, but Nurses are in high demand so the faster I finish the faster I can get a job and support us so we can get back on our feet.
You know everyone is knocking hard on the President when it's not his fault we are in this mess. He is doing the best he can. You can't make steak when you were handed crap on the platter!! I think it's going to take awhile and we as American's need to do our part in helping each other out. Whether it's the food drive, giving blood or plasma. Standing in line to pass out food. All of these things would help us out in the long run because God will repay us in some way or another!
Since Cris passed away I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Dissorder) It's been getting really bad lately I just keep running the past 2 years in my head, and it' s really hard just watching Lili and thinking about having to explain to her that she had 2 uncles but now she only has one. I can't explain how much it hurts watching her act the way she does and knowing that my brother is missing out on everything that is going on down here. Sometimes I get really horrible images in my head and I like have to squeeze a blanket and my eyes shut to try and think of a happy image. For those of you who don't know what PTSD is it's like reliving the worst moment of your life 5 to almost 15 times a day. For some it could be getting fired, or finding out you have cancer, or that you lost a certain amount of money, or watching someone pass. Even getting divorced or finding out that your spouse cheated. For me it's finding out I will never see my Brother for the rest of my time on earth. So with PTSD you relive the phone call, the process, the funeral and after the funeral like healing time. It's like a movie being played over and over again. So lately after Lili it's just been getting worse and worse. The only cure for this is like rapid eye movement therapy and that's not even a cure.. it's supposed to "help" and of course just getting a clean mental picture in your head, but it is so hard to think of something beautiful when you have this horrible thing playing in your mind. I just thank God that it hasn't effected my parenting to Lili. I will admit it hits me with i'm with her and she's probably like why is mom shaking her head so much lol!! But I just want to shield Lili from as much pain as possible!
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